Life with my man's other woman

Life with my man’s other woman (Photo: iStock)

When Nancy Akoth met her husband in 2010, she did not know he was married, nor were there any signs to indicate he had another relationship.

They dated for a while and everything was moving on well. This did not last more than two years when she realized that JK was not only in a relationship with another woman, but he was indeed married and had children.

A decision had to be made. He had to choose either to leave his wife who had two children or leave Nancy. Nancy on her side could not imagine losing JK. JK on his side did not want to choose between the mother of his children and the other love of his life (Nancy).

“I do not look at it like I’m the other woman when I am with him. I look at it like I am the main woman at that time, so what he is doing with the other woman is not my problem, but I believe he is now settled,” Nancy said.

One of the biggest choices a woman can make is to be a second wife. Polygamy is not illegal, however, bigamy is not allowed in Kenya so it’s mostly in a customary marriage, while other co-exist as some sort of an understanding.

There are no written laws in polygamy. The only agreement is between the husband and his wives. The wives do not need to love each other but they at least have to know each other exist, otherwise, that would be cheating. 

In March 2014, Parliament passed a motion to allow men to marry extra wives without getting consent from the first wife.

Janet got married to Mwaura in 1998 at a church wedding in Kiambu Town. At the time Mr Mwaura was a junior employee in one of the state organs in the country.

Life was smooth and they were blessed with three children (two girls and one boy). In 2014, Janet realized the husband had been seeing his secretary (since his promotions had enabled him to reach managerial levels and had a secretary allocated to him).

He had not only been seeing her, but has already bought a plot and built a house for her in Ruiru, and they had a son who was already in class two in a private school.

Janet claimed she was okay with her husband and didn’t have an issue with the other wife, but all people who knew her before the new ‘guest’ was introduced, could tell all was not well.

The question of who is loved more and who has rights to what is also always a topic of discussion.

There is always a feeling that second wife is a more favoured than the first one and given more attention.