Men must stop shaming women for transactional sex, sponsorships

"Everyone's a whore, Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves," said Tommy Shelby in Peaky Blinders.

This quote crossed my mind when I read all the sermons rooted in self-righteousness that were on display on social media the day a video that had been done in the past by a popular songstress and influencer resurfaced online.

She admitted in the video that she never struggled in her youth because she had several men who made sure she didn't. She had one for rent, another for shopping, and a third one and the fourth one for pocket money and shoes the way a man would have four different wives who play different roles in his life.

Her candid revelation did not augur well with most people. It attracted too much bile and criticism from both sides of the gender spectrum but especially from the other gender which is always at war with women who love money. They heard everything she said except the part where she said that she grew up with so much lack, and instead of seeing her actions as a direct reaction to poverty, they reduced her to a golddigger out to use men as if we do not exist in this country with men who buy you food on a date with the expectation of being rewarded with sex in return.

Transactional sex is always a fair bargain to them until it is the woman naming her a price. When she does it becomes a moral issue that we must all castigate for the benefit of society when the society itself is built upon the sweat and the labour of the human race.

We might be blind to it but we all sell parts of ourselves for economic gain. For some, it's physical strength and for others like models, it is beauty. The educated ones sell their brains to their highest bidder while the talented ones sell their voices or whatever talent that comes naturally to them to a willing audience.

A line is only ever drawn at sex work when it comes to self commodification and I find that hypocritical because sex work isn't the worst thing that can happen to humanity. Over 6,000 migrants are said to have died building the world cup dream in Qatar for example, but moralists would consider that honourable work except that capitalism wasn't meant to be honourable. It was meant to be exploitative. It was meant to keep us poor and that poverty coupled with a need for survival is what pushes many women to sex work.

Oldest profession

Sex work is presumably the oldest profession and it was invented by men when women weren't allowed to be gainfully employed in other professions and it continues to be a thing because men enable it. They use money to lure women. They cry about gold diggers online and then they go home where they force their baby mamas to sleep with them in exchange for child support. Wives too aren't spared. They have learnt to use sex as a bargaining chip. They withhold it when there is nothing useful to gain from it and they prostitute themselves to their husbands on occasions when they need special favours.

Almost every other woman who is in a relationship with a man who has more power than her participates in sex work to some level. It is how they are able to eat, care for their children, put them through school and help their families. I don't really understand why it becomes a thing to be ashamed of when some women choose to do it openly without covering it up under the banner of being stay-at-home mums or trophy wives.

It is also incredibly fascinating that men are never shamed for being part of the problem. We call the woman who sells her genitals a whore but we do not have a name for the man who buys them.

He participates in a trade that is shunned by society and we do not question his morality or his lack of values. It is always the woman who is not moral enough and that isn't the absolute truth.

The person who buys sex has more power than the person who sells it, and as long as there is a financial opportunity in a world that doesn't have enough work for everyone, there will always be someone willing to do the work.

If you have an issue with that, take it up with men who use their financial power to access sex, and maybe try to dismantle capitalism. Women shouldn't be your only punching bags.