The Painful Journey of Trying to Conceive

To most people, the terms ‘Trying to conceive (TTC)' are foreign, given that most women in Africa are perceived to be fertile. In recent years, however, more women are struggling to have children. I never imagined I would be one of them until I went through a TTC season myself. Here is how I handled that painful period.

Get an Understanding Doctor

Every time I would go to a gynaecologist, he or she would say "relax," "go home and come back after three months," or "I can't find anything wrong with you." To the woman who is trying to conceive, these words are devastating, heartbreaking and discouraging. I eventually found a gynaecologist who took time to hear me out. She listened without interrupting, just as a friend would. Isn't that the kind of support every woman needs?

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Not everybody understands how it feels to be childless and to be consumed with the desire to have a baby. Many people around me would make uncaring, insensitive comments about pregnancy and babies when I was around, and behind my back.

Are you also going through a TTC period? Get in touch with other women who are going through the same experience. There are several groups on social media where you can get support. Also, be honest with your close friends and family about what you are going through, so they are more sensitive. Finally, talk to your partner and let him know what you are going through. He probably needs your support as much as you need his.

Focus on Other Things

Timing those fertility days can be very stressful, and the pressure may work against you. My advice – focus on other things. If you already have another child, spend time with him or her rather than shutting yourself up in your bedroom all day. Go out on coffee dates with your spouse, and hang out with your friends. If you find that your evenings are empty, go back to school, or get involved in church or a community project. You can also volunteer to take up extra responsibilities in the workplace. Most importantly, get yourself so busy that you have no time to feel sorry for yourself.

During my TTC season, I became more prayerful, and enrolled in a discipleship course in church. I also joined a social media group for TTC women, and we would encourage and pray for each other daily. When I finally got pregnant, I was caught completely by surprise!

Don't Give Up

Waiting to get pregnant is the longest wait in the world. That single line on the pregnancy test kit feels like a death sentence. But you know what? Many women conceive just when they are on the verge of giving up. I finally conceived (Yes!) after I had put away all my drugs and supplements and left everything to God. TTC teaches women patience the hard way, but the wait proves worth it. Do not give up just yet.

I wish I could tell you that the TTC experience gets easier with time. What I will say is that you're not alone on this journey. Hang in there.