The 'baddest' girl can make a wonderful wifey

There are at least five women we once considered too promiscuous from back in the day who are happily married, with healthy babies and the happiest husbands we know in Nairobi.

These are women we called all manner of bad things including loose, whore, generous since -'the only person she has not given is the one who has not asked her out'. We accused them of all manner of things, most of them unsubstantiated; HIV-positive, had one-too-many abortions, too much electricity (read STI), you name it. They were considered 'live wire' and most boys would not touch them with a 1000-foot pole.

These are girls who disappear from a party for a few minutes and sneak back and if you look around, you will notice some guy creased in that relaxed post-coital smile akin to one who has survived an illicit romp in some rooftop. These are girls who do crazy things with men in the dark corners of night clubs, sometimes even with strangers. These are girls who order older male lovers to stop the car on the highway for them to blow the flute in drunken haze. It always makes up for a great, "what is the craziest thing you have ever done?" in bar room talk.

And whether in the village or college, I know you know that one girl who was the 'baddest' of them all, but who married 10 years ago and is now so very settled the last time you met her hubby and the brood appeared tighter than most families we know.

Now, like Saul in the Bible, something happens.

These girls have their lives headed south, but from the blue you read the Facebook post about their looming weddings bells. A year down the line, she has her kid in all her profile pictures. Often it is her, and the man admiring the baby...and we are like, 'is that the Lizzy we used to know?' You sigh, look up the man and read through his profile. You learn how he came to be. He comes a million miles away from the girl's home or he schooled in a different college. There are exceptions where some men just damn any consequences and marry the woman regardless of past sexual escapades which are major preoccupation of many men when choosing a wife.

Men want to know the promiscuity index, not so much it matters, but it can give a hint of faithfulness in marriage.

It is one of those things in life we will never figure out. We spend time gossiping and passing harsh judgement on others, even as our lives end up a bigger marital mess than the people we thought will never get married. There are women who quit all the bad habits, and settled into marriage and you never hear any drama from them. They focus on becoming home makers and do a terrific job.

There are many prudish and chaste women who end up single or knocked up and the seemingly good man disappears into a sugarcane plantation. Can my former lecturer at the University of Nairobi, Ken Ouko, to put this into perspective? What happens? A woman who the community dismisses as loose and will never amount to much ending up in a more settled, ostensibly happier marriage than the women who seemingly had their act together.

Indeed, never judge. We all have different destinies. What is good with these women is that they show their true colours at least. They probably taste everything and like Solomon in the Bible come to the conclusion that all in this world is vanity. When they meet a man who is willing to trust them, they are more willing to settle and start a new life. Their home making skills are always impeccable. I will certainly seek a sociologist and psychologist's point of view in this one.