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Learn to move on when you are dumped and spare us the drama

Lady Speak
 The first rule of a successful breakup is that you must try and maintain as much time and space

Based on recent media reports of his Sh4 billion hacking allegations, we can safely conclude that Alex Mutuku is a super smart guy. Yet if the same media reports are to be believed, we can also surmise that this fellow does not handle the hiccups that come with relationships very well. The guy attempted suicide when he discovered his girlfriend had left him for another man.

This incident reminded me that there are many who like Alex handle breakups and relationship drama rather badly. Just like all other things, there is an art and even a science to handling breakup - especially for men.

The first rule of a successful breakup is that you must try and maintain as much time and space between the person with whom you are breaking up with. There are some folks who imagine that constantly bombarding their ex with their presence will perhaps soften their stance and make them change their mind. For this reason, they become omnipresent figures showing up at every turn decked in all their misery and pain.

Matters get more complicated when these same folks decide to adopt a teary stance, hoping to cry and wail their way back into the bosom of their loved ones.

Forget about what modern men journals tell us; there is nothing cool or cute about a grown man publicly bawling his heart out because he has been dumped, or because he wants a second chance. If you must cry, please do so in private and avoid teary sessions especially in pubs and restaurants.

Pound of revenge

We have another section who know nothing about the Accept and Move on theory. They believe in exacting their pound of revenge on those who refuse to reciprocate their affections. These are the men and women who do crazy things like breaking utensils, smashing windscreens and in some cases sending death threats to their exes.

"Suck it up: You must maintain as much time and space

between the person with whom you are breaking up with"

Is it okay to be friends with your ex...?

There are others who go into re-possession mode, going into great lengths to retrieve presents and trinkets that were exchanged in the heat of passion.

It matters not how deeply one has been hurt, or how much they feel they have been wronged, but it smacks of desperation to be hounding your ex to return silly things like the mulika mwizi phone you bought her, or to reimburse funds spent on her. Expenditures and investments made in the heat of a romantic relationship are considered sunken costs and no one should make any attempt at reclaiming them.

 

I am in no way denying that breakups hurt, but still they are no reason for foolishness and actions that rob one of any shred of dignity they might possess.

There are some boys and girls who think the only way to get over a break up is to attack whoever has replaced them in the affection game. Women are especially notorious for this - I have seen usually levelheaded women launch massive expeditions to identify and locate their replacement.

Their job does not end there, they then concoct all manner of tales (some true, some false) usually around critical relationship details like bedroom performance and generosity indicators, all aimed at terminating the blooming relationship.

Bullying and hounding

In fact in some instances, victims of breakups end up being hauled to court for bullying and hounding their exes and their new loves though the phone and sometimes in person.

Some people think the best way to get over a break up is to broadcast their woes. So, they resort to sharing all the gory details of their breakups on social media and on those notorious Agony Aunty radio shows.

These are really not cries for help and they do not in any way reduce the pain. What these media forums do is offer the victim a few moments of the attention they need and crave.

The world responds with a few woiyee comments, which lead these badly behaved boys and girls to imagine that we care about their pain. The truth of the matter is that we are grateful for the entertainment that their tales offer, but we are not losing any sleep over their misery. For those who feel they must talk their way out of the pain, they are better placed talking to a shrink.

Yes, breakups hurt but so do many other things; no need to get too public and too dramatic about your pain. Suck it up! Accept and move on.

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