I said yes! So why does it feel like a huge mistake?

I said yes! So why am I wondering if it's a huge mistake? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I’ve just got engaged! I’m very happy, but somehow I can’t stop wondering whether I’m making a big mistake.

How do I convince myself I’m not?

Big Mistake

Chris says, 

Hi Big Mistake!

Everyone wonders that! So, ask yourself whether you’re fine on your own and living a full life when your fiancé’s away. Don’t get married expecting he’ll somehow ‘complete’ you and don’t accept any bad behaviour, hoping he’ll change. He won’t.

Can you be completely open and honest with one another? You should feel entirely comfortable revealing everything to each other, especially about your pasts. Not every tiny detail, just broad brushstrokes of how you both became who you are. This is particularly important for your previous relationships. Nobody likes a surprise ex or children.

You should understand your own and your fiancé’s sexual chemistry and feel able to talk about it. Good sex is important and talking about what you want is the only way to achieve it.

Get to know each other’s living habits. Can you cope with each other’s mess? Closeness is lovely, but it can take some getting used to.

You’re going to go through a lot of tough times together: births, illnesses, redundancies. So, be sure you know how you both handle conflict and stress.

Make sure you understand each other’s career and life goals and how they’ll affect your relationship. Wanting different things means trouble ahead.

Decide together whether and when you want children. If you don’t agree, sort that out before the wedding, because if you don’t see eye-to-eye on this issue, then your marriage will almost certainly fail.

Talk about your faith. How important is it that your fiancé shares your religion and practices it with you?

Talk about money well before the wedding, and make sure you’re on the same page about every aspect of your finances.

Get to know each other’s family and friends. You’re not just marrying the man you love; you’re marrying into his entire family and social life.

Be honest about all that and you’ll know whether he’s right for you!

All the best,

Chris