Help! Why am I thinking about cheating on my boyfriend?

Help! Why am I thinking about cheating on my boyfriend? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

This sounds awful, but I’m thinking about cheating on my boyfriend! Why are these thoughts going through my head? What should I do about it?

Will I Really? 

Chris says,

Hi Will I Really!

Yes, you could! You’re especially likely to cheat if your boyfriend has lost his job, or if he’s been unfaithful or violent. Or he spends way too much time on other things. He forgets your anniversaries and pays too little attention to you.

Maybe he’s letting his baggage get to him. Or a psycho ex. Or a meddling mother. Or doesn’t give you the love you need. Or is controlling. Or gives you a hard time.

You’re most likely to have an affair around the time you ovulate. That’s also when you’re most likely to go out alone and have fantasies about very masculine men. They make terrible long-term partners and you know that. But a quickie is another story...

You’re particularly likely to get lost in the office, where you feel valued for your ideas and energy. With people who are also at their best and brightest. With similar interests, attitudes and values. And feel familiar and secure...

You’ll know you’re slipping from fantasy and flirting into an affair when you start deleting someone’s messages. Which are coded so they don’t mean anything to anyone else. From a number that’s not in your phone book...

Have you changed your work outfit to look different, prettier, sexier? Wearing much nicer underwear? Have you changed your hairstyle or taken a new interest in fitness?

Maybe there’s a new bounce in your step? And your sexual appetite has changed? Maybe a lot higher? Or you feel weird when your boyfriend touches you?

If any of this happens, what should you do? Back off for sure. Affairs, especially at work, never end well. Take your feelings as a warning that there are problems between you and your boyfriend and try to work through them. At worst, dump him and start again!

All the best,

Chris