Why you should date and marry your friend

Domestic violence is on the rise with married couples fighting and killing each other.

I am not a marriage expert - but I have been around long enough to know. I have also observed what happens in marriage over the years. I am 50 years old by the way.

If I was living in the village, I am certain that elders would not hesitate to seek my contribution on serious matters like marriage.

They say marriage is not for everyone, but it brings people together. It unites families and creates relatives where none existed.

The Bible says that a man shall leave his parents, marry and start his own family. It's an interesting rite, especially for us Africans.

Then there those who say that marriage is not a bed of roses, that it has a bush of thorns. This is why people are advised to always seek God's guidance when travelling the journey of marriage.

I have written here before about the late Mr Kirori, the man who taught me how to slaughter a goat, skin it and then roast it. Kirori told me that the problem with our generation is that we don't marry our friends.

He could not understand why we kept talking about our long distant girlfriends, girls we would meet during inter-school events like sports and debates.

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He wondered why we could not seduce next-door girls we considered our close friends. If anything, they were well-known to us.

Kirori was right. I came to learn - much later as I grew older - that what he used to tell us was the honest truth.

Our parents will tell you that they met each other right from primary, secondary or while in college.

Most of them did not live far from each other's homes. Those who didn't grow together were introduced by a common friend - and usually that is the person would be called upon to help solve any domestic issues. I have friends I grew up with - and would tell you to your face if you were on the wrong.

Things are different with the new generation where young people marry 'strangers' they meet in clubs or even by the roadside. Not bad, but one should become friends first, then do a background check on the person and the family.

They have policy that they like which is "friend-zoning" meaning no relation is allowed if you are friends. As my gumbaru lecturer Robert Burale advises: "One should not marry primarily for sex; vision is key, otherwise one will be like a black man winking at a woman in the dark and expecting a reaction".

I keep telling young people daily on social media that beauty fades and sex becomes routine, like tying your shoelace. And so, if those are your corner stones in marriage, don't even attempt.

I advise the youth to please marry their friends - and have a vision. If not, then when you meet someone, please go to dates and know each other before deciding to settle down. Friends will always know they can have differences, but will need each other later, so they make sure they maintain friendship. Friends who have known each other for long will be reminding themselves of old times.

Friends will still go out for dinner, a dance, and a drink after marriage. If most of the couples can put friendship and fear of God as their corner stone in marriage, I believe we will experience less domestic violence.