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My girlfriend puts a lot of financial pressure, please help me

My girlfriend is 21 years old and is in university. The problem with her is that she puts a lot of financial pressure on me. [File, Standard]

 

On Wednesday, April 13, The Standard received, on Facebook inbox, a relationship dilemma from one of its readers. We sample some of the advice shared by Kenyans, and also an expert’s opinion on how the reader can come out of the confusing situation.

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If in need of relationship advice – from an expert, or are seeking to get Kenyans’ opinions on a certain confusing relationship situation – send us a message via Facebook, with the title ‘Relationship Advice’, and we will escalate the message to the appropriate respondents.

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Hi Standard,

My name is Steve.

I am 27 years old. I recently got my first salaried employment in Nairobi.

My girlfriend is 21 years old and is in university. The problem with her is that she puts a lot of financial pressure on me.

After learning that I got a salaried job, she’s been pressurising me to move out of my bedsitter, for which I’m paying a monthly rent of Sh6,000.

She now wants me to change neighbourhoods and move to a one-bedroom of Sh15,000. I can’t afford it.

Besides that, she always puts pressure on me to take her on dates every weekend. I’m feeling drained, and I’m contemplating leaving her. Please advise.

Kenyans' sampled advice

Benjamin Mumo: Leave her immediately...she is worse than the petroleum problems we are facing. 

Vicky Chebaibai Kitonga: My Son, flee from death! She will take you to the grave. That’s not a place for someone your age. You have not yet fulfilled God's purpose. Let her find someone else. Pursue your dreams as they come true, and your ambitions coz God will confirm them.

Velma Kadiori: First get a brain of your own. Then you won't need people to make you make such simple decisions. We have much at hand; - Russia & Ukraine at War, William choosing sycophantic leaders for the Mountaineers, Fuel shortage and Inflation.

Silas Gisiora Nyanchwani: You are a 27-year-old being led on by a young girl of 21. You deserve her. Nothing can save you. Nkt.

Marvon Chege: You're dating a Strathmore/USIU student whose parents can afford all those things she's asking from you. Respect yourself and leave her.

Leah Njoroge: Where is the dilemma here?!! What you are lacking is wisdom, ask it from God. Right now you should be thinking of developing yourself. She's there to consume you, avoid her like plague and learn more about financial literacy. All the best.

Billy Absalom Okwani: Come on! Eti contemplating!!!? LEAVE-HER-RIGHT-NOW young man and build your life and economic base. Leave women alone. Are you hearing me my son? Do not disregard the wisdom of your father!

Shelby Wise: What if you lost that financially stable job you have today? Would you not cling for that little your man has?

Lonah Asigo: Brother sit her down and tell her the truth of life, If she can't support you leave her immediately, she wants class let her finance it period! Save ur money bro u are young for that pressure!

NE Dunbar: You're not obligated to be in a relationship. I was blessed to know this from a young age. Focus on your personal and spiritual developments first, and believe me, you will attract and retain better people.

Expert's advice

Dr Karatu Kiemo is a sociologist and lecturer at the University of Nairobi.

Hello Steve, 

Matters of love are largely irrational. 

The reason why no one on earth can tell you to leave your girlfriend or stay is that you are likely to do the opposite. 

That said, I think you have an interesting girlfriend. Her desire that you reside in a decent house and neighbourhood is not a bad thing. 

It may come with better opportunities like safety and security, and access to basic amenities such as health and education for both you and your children.

Such opportunities, however, come at a cost. 

True, it is good to live within your means. But if her nagging will cause you to look for a better paying job or earn a promotion, then you have a reason to thank her. 

Remember she is doing what parents in the western world would have done to you seven years ago. So take the stress positively and strive to make her happy. 

In doing so you will have empowered yourself much, which will be the more reason she will stick with you. Still, take her on dates the many times she wants. 

You are investing in a relationship, which is still a good thing for your learning. 

My caution is only that you don't get into illegal ways of earning. Work hard to please her, just as much as you work hard to please your employer. 

In days to come, you will rest easy when a host of admirers, she included, will be headhunting for you.