This young lawyer wants Malia but he cannot even plead his case

NAIROBI: There is some bloke who says he wants to marry Malia, daughter of US Prezzo, our Cousin Barry. But he’s recently changed his story; he says he wants to betroth her so that he may take her for a wife when she is of age.

But the latter assertion only came after reference was made to Malia’s age.

I hear the young man is a lawyer, but he evidently cannot hold a brief for himself: In this day and age, it is possible to reach Malia online and spell out the desires of his heart only that her Facebook profile would be a State security issue, constantly monitored by the Secret Service.

The young lawyer, I think his name is Felix Kiprono, has more immediate problems. He has changed even his manner of speech: Now he speaks a language that involves swallowing syllables or ruminating over them so that one can’t quite tell whether to open their mouths and laugh, or shut their eyes and cry.

“No no no no, it’s not about adopting the African or American exent (sic), it’s been my exent since... but I don’t kiya about that...”

Listening to Kiprono’s interview on KTN, I thought he was talking about Okiya Omtata, and he was denying holding brief for him in court, but later realised he was making a case about his manner of speech.

And he still can’t successfully explain himself, not even in his strange manner of speech.

I wonder if Malia would kiya for such a bloke, and if her father would be kind enough to translate the language, which he has adopted in anticipation that he will be allowed to plead his case when our Cousin Barry comes to town next month. Only that Kiprono won’t get anywhere near the presidential podium.