When your wife thinks you spend too much time on social media

“Your food is getting cold,” Carol points out, as you are engrossed in your phone, scrolling the bottomless pit that is Facebook. “Ah, I see...” you say rolling your sleeve, in slight embarrassment. Carol has unleashed an austere look, so disproving.

“Do you ever get off your phone?” she asks, quite furiously making everyone around the table uncomfortable. “It is just politics and Raila’s big announcement that I’m following,” you say, half-convincingly.

“Even before elections, since I met you, you are always on your phone...And the things that you post...How old are you again...” The situation is degenerating so fast. “Have you ever tried to help Farrah with homework even just once? You come in on phone, and stay on phone until you go to bed. Do you know how she performed in her last term?

You watch her waxing herself furious unsure of how to respond to her tirade. Of course, you are so much into social media, but you work as communication consultant and social media monitoring is part of your daily, around the clock the job. Carol knows this, but she thinks you married social media, not her. Wrong. You are mostly on your phone reading something. Besides, Carol is not that much of a talker, so you mostly spend your time on your own. But the outburst tonight has been long coming. Many a time when she is driving to work, you are lost on social media or on nonsensical calls that revolve around soccer or politics, two topics that Carol hates with a passion, even though she can tolerate some football, when Arsenal is whooping someone on a lazy Saturday afternoon.

That question about helping Lil Farrah with homework really got to you. Could it be she thinks that because Farrah is not your biological daughter, so you are less enthusiastic about her. Nothing could be further from the truth. Carol does the job just perfectly. And when your time will come, you will help her no doubt. Farrah has been living with you for less than a year. It could be that you are actually addicted to social media when you think about it. And Carol is probably right, but denial is your first reaction.

“You could be right, maybe I should go slow on it, now that politics is gone...” You tell her. “But the Premier League is back, you will be shouting about your bets on social media like a college kid,”

You can’t stand that kind of contempt. When did she become this familiar to talk to you like this.

“Just tone it down. Find something else to do...” she gets preachy and that is the time you leave to go and sleep. Or browse some more. But she won’t let you because she will complain the light from your phone is distracting her. You wonder, why can’t she use her phone as well. Is it so hard for her to mind her business? “I’m sorry if I’m wrong, but think about it if you are being fair to us. You are ever so busy, you never help me with anything, neither do you even have time for us to talk...”

@nyanchwani

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