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A Valentine proof guide for the lonely hearts: Val’s or not, your life must go on.

Lady Speak
 Photo: Courtesy

It is almost that time again when flamboyant gestures of love are displayed out of some misguided sense of obligation.

It is the season of crimson roses, chocolate hearts, cuddly stuffed animals, sparkling jewellery and candlelit dinners for two: and they say you can’t put a price tag on love.

It is also the time when the pitfalls of being single are magnified.

Whether you are single and secretly depressed or you are a non-bitter singleton, nothing is worse than being alone on Valentine’s Day.

If you are like most singles, you are bracing yourself for this lovers day by reading self-help articles which try to convince you that Valentine’s can be all kumbayas and rainbows because your parents, siblings, friends or puppy love you.

What a load of baloney. Let’s be realistic. Valentine’s is going to suck.

However, despair not for I have compiled a list of practical activities to help you while away this loathsome day.

Throw a pity party

What better time to drown yourself in self-pity than Valentine’s Day? It is true what they say, misery loves company. Round up all your single and bitter male haters and throw a Pity Party...complete with a Dj and outside catering. Allow yourself to really feel the sorrows of loneliness. Stock up on tissues and greasy food. What is a party without music?

Prepare a playlist (for the DJ) of emotional, sad music. You can never go wrong with Adele. Brood in your misery in the company of others who feel your pain. Spend the day in your pajamas whining about how crappy your life is. Just remember to snap out of it after the day is over.

Festival of darts

For a simple and pleasurable past time, why not improve your dart throwing skills this Valentine’s? Make your own dart board with pictures of your ex-files. Target the eyes and heart.  Sure as hell beats sitting around all day fantasizing about what could have been.

Kickbox your ex

Besides being an incredibly efficient workout, kickboxing can help you vent out pent up frustrations about your singlehood. Every time you throw a punch, visualise each and every scumbag who broke your heart. Pin a picture of your ex-file on the punching bag if it helps.

Boyfriend bonfires

It’s bad enough that your significant other kicked your heart to the pavement, but did they really have to leave all that stuff behind? Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to have a good old fashioned boyfriend bonfire.

This is especially therapeutic for the recently dumped.

Gather up all those sentimental gifts and letters you have been holding on to and set them on fire! You can crank up the fun by grabbing a piece of paper and writing whatever comes to mind about your past lovers.

List any hurts they’ve caused, any retorts that went unsaid and any final words that you believe would help you achieve closure.

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