My husband is so moody and critical!

Dear Anne,

My partner is moody and critical all the time.

Everything is my fault. He used to be fun, and kind. He used to like my friends and family, now he says he hates them.

The trouble is, I’ve been through this before with my first marriage. It’s like life is repeating itself and I’ll never be happy.

Anne says

Deep down, your biggest fear is that his opinions of you are right, that there really is something wrong with you.

But remember – his controlling behaviour is all about him, not you.

It may even have been the same with your previous partner, too.

Perhaps it seems to be happening again because for some reason you are attracted to that “type”.

But neither is that your fault, although it could be a good idea to explore that issue in the future, through counselling.

The priority now is to get out of this abusive relationship.

If you think there is still love there, and you want to try to save it, sit him down and see if he’ll listen to your point of view.

If he’d agree to go with you to couples counselling, there may be a way forward and you may be able to save your marriage.

There may be an underlying cause for his behavior – he might be suffering from stress or depression, which could be causing him to take it out on you.

But unless he can see that his behavior is destructive and he agrees to get help, he will NOT change, and that’s a certainty. If he refuses, then you must get out.

Plan your exit to ensure you have a place to live, and the emotional and financial support to get you through a tough time.

Surround yourself with people who love you, to remind you that you are indeed a lovable person who deserves better.

Don’t let him intimidate you and don’t go back to him unless you are both doing something to address this.

Remember the old adage that nothing in life will alter if you keep doing the same thing.