How couples can navigate finances

How couples can navigate finances (Photo: iStock)

Love and money are often seen as opposing forces, but financial coach and advisor Margaret Njeri shows how couples can navigate this intersection. 

Why do you think money and love are intertwined and sometimes in conflict?

They both touch on core aspects of human life like security, identity and trust. Money decisions mostly reflect values and priorities, which, when misaligned, can create tension. Love brings emotional connection, but money introduces practical constraints. When unspoken expectations about finances emerge, conflict follows.

What is the most common money challenge couples face?

Lack of alignment on financial goals and poor communication. Many couples don’t talk regularly about budgets, debt or savings. Over time, this leads to secrecy, especially if one partner feels burdened or left out.

Why do many couples find it difficult to talk about money?

Money is an emotional issue. If you remember, even our parents could not openly show you how much they had when they gave you money. Couples are no different. Discussing money feels vulnerable. Cultural conditioning often treats money as a private matter, making it harder to open up, even to someone you love.

How early should you start talking about finances?

As soon as the relationship becomes serious. Discussions about debt, spending habits and savings goals should start during courtship to avoid surprises and build trust.

What money conversations should every couple have?

About income and spending habits, savings and investment goals, debt obligations and credit history, attitudes towards budgeting, plans for major purchases, views on supporting or giving back to family, and retirement and emergency funds.

What advice do you have for blending or keeping finances separate in a relationship?

Some couples blend completely, others keep things separate with a joint account for bills. Transparency should be the basis to build trust and clarity, reduce anxiety, ensure both partners are on the same page and promote accountability. Regular reviews and agreed contributions, e.g. in proportion to income. You should know what works for you.

How can couples align their financial goals if they have different spending or saving habits?

Through open dialogue and regular check-ins. They can create a shared vision that helps each party feel seen, and have shared budgeting tools and a vision board. They can agree on common goals, such as owning a home, and have individual accounts for personal freedom.

What is the best approach for long-term goals, such as home ownership?

You need to start with honest conversations about what each partner wants, what they can afford and their timelines, with the help of a financial advisor. Assess credit scores, savings and debt. Planning together builds trust and unity.

How can they talk about past financial mistakes without being judgmental?

By owning mistakes and being willing to share. By creating a safe space with empathy and curiosity. Also by avoiding blame and recognising mistakes as learning moments. Understanding the reasons for a mistake often opens the door to forgiveness and mutual growth.

How will they be able to set financial boundaries that protect the independence and trust of both partners?

By setting clear limits together, for example, that they can’t spend more than a certain amount before consulting each other. Personal budgets or ‘fun money’ accounts can allow individual freedom without undermining shared goals. The aim is to agree on the structure, not to impose control.

How do money beliefs rooted in childhood or past relationships show up in romantic partnerships?

They influence how people define success, security and generosity. Someone who grew up in scarcity might hoard money; someone from a spendthrift home might see spending as love. Past trauma, such as financial abuse, may lead to secrecy or control.

What are some of the financial red flags in relationships?

Hiding expenses or debts, controlling all financial decisions, refusing to talk about money, over-reliance on one partner without discussion and constant financial emergencies due to poor planning.

How can they secure their future together?

To secure their family’s future, couples need to practice full financial transparency by sharing not only income and expenses, but also account details, investments, passwords, wills and next of kin designations. Financial openness isn’t just about trust; it’s about protecting your legacy and ensuring your children’s future remains intact no matter what.