How to be a people person

By Frida Owinga

Every endeavour of life involves human interaction. And human interactions are complicated as we have varying temperaments, opinions, personality defects, beliefs, and cultural conditioning. If you think about it, it’s amazing that we’re able to get along at all because humans are hard-wired to be self-serving, but successful communication requires graciousness.

To be a person of influence and an effective communicator, focus on others instead of yourself. Is it easy? Not always! The good news is that you can train the self-interested ego to behave.

Many people find it hard to believe that I am shy. The truth is I used to be but I acquired skills that drove the shyness away. 

Two books that transformed my life in that area are How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, How to Become a People Person by John Maxwell, and The Spirit Controlled Woman by Beverly LaHaye. Following are some principles I have gleaned over the years to help you communicate more effectively.

Whenever possible, begin with praise and honest communication. Smile and be inviting and open instead of serious and demanding.

Give honest and sincere appreciation. How often do you offer genuine appreciation to your co-workers, family members, people who serve you in different places versus the times you criticise and condemn them?

Become genuinely interested in others. Learn to ask thoughtful questions that will show your interest in others. Task oriented people tend to go straight to the results. Learn to care about the person who will deliver the results.

Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely. Operate by the principle that you gain more influence by raising people up than by knocking them down.

Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Learn to value the positive instead of the negative. It’s easy to see what’s wrong — everybody can do that.

A skilled individual finds the positive perspective. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Remember, everyone is self-interested. Your job isn’t to change this, but to use it to your advantage in gaining influence in a supportive way. None of these principles are mind blowing or new. But they are rarely practised consistently — except by leaders of change.

The writer is the CEO of PassionProfitTM, an entrepreneurship coaching programme designed to help aspiring and existing entrepreneurs to develop skills and acquire tools to create, manage and grow successful world class organisations.