Use persuasion, argument and reason to win readers

In an earlier column, I addressed the issue of 'editorial licence' in newspaper headlines. Due to limited space in which an editor sometimes has to squeeze a headline succinctly enough to focus the reader's attention, syntax is occasionally used loosely.

However, that does not excuse a headline that, even though the writer had enough space to summarise the story below it, left readers bewildered.

Last week, the Legal Manager at Mumias Sugar Company in Western Kenya was killed in cold blood. The story made headlines for a few days. Aiming to further explain the circumstances under which the killing occurred, an editor came up with the headline: Killed Mumias man 'said no to illegal sugar'.

There is lethargy in that headline. The use of 'Killed' instead of 'Slain', is bad style. There isn't much difference between the two words if one checks their meanings in any dictionary. However, 'slain' is more appropriate in terms of style because it is more descriptive.

When you talk of slaying, it is a deliberate act involving a fellow human being. 'Killed' is amorphous- 'by whom', 'how','what killed him?' With 'killed', death could have been through accident, or a deliberate act.

In a prominent weekly newspaper, one of the stories read, 'the contrast between Rwanda and Kenya which both together go to the polls in August'. The story was highlighting the similarities and differences between Rwanda and Kenya in relation to the exercise of holding elections. Incidentally, though on different dates, the two countries will be holding their general elections in August this year. Grammatically, the sentence is bad.

Because 'together' means 'jointly', 'in cooperation 'or' hand in hand', it is practically impossible that Kenya and Rwanda can hold their elections together. They can only hold them on the same day, perhaps even within the same time frames, modified by need as circumstances dictate. The words 'both' and 'together' should not follow each other in the same sentence unless there is a modifier or 'together' precedes 'both', separated by a comma.

An example is 'Together, both men approached the strange object'. Without the comma that allows the reader to pause, it becomes a careless statement. There would have been more clarity if the quote alluded to above read, 'the contrast between Rwanda and Kenya, both of which go to the polls in August'. The word 'both' is used to emphasize that the action of holding polls applies to the two countries.

What the writer was trying to do was compare Kenyan elections to Rwandan elections. Note that he was not 'comparing with' but 'comparing to'. Compare with basically refers to differences while compare to emphasizes the similarities.

Using the expressions interchangeably is a common error in writing. In opinion polls as seen in Kenya today, newspapers varyingly allude to a political contest that is 'neck to neck' or 'neck and neck', but what is the difference? Neck and neck (the acceptable form), refers to a race so close, calling out a clear winner is near impossible. 'Neck to neck' is a tolerated variation of the former.

In response to a query on how a writer should react to criticism, my take is that criticism (positive or negative) is an integral part of writing. When one delves into the field, especially writing analysis and opinions, developing a thick skin is a prerequisite.

You will be criticised for bias, temperament, forthrightness, misinformation, lacking depth, rubbing some people the wrong way or simply because someone hates your argument and the side on which you stand.

Thus, it is anathema to be condescending and dismissive in your responses. Critical thinking arises from constructive criticism. One is often encouraged to think outside the box. There are many who will disagree with your points of view and have every right to challenge it with their own facts. Occasionally writers get carried away and inject palpable emotions in their writings. At times, others resort to obscenities; the reason why many opinions get trashed

As a writer addressing oneself to different readers, maintaining balance and objectivity cannot be over emphasized. Of course, there are times people do or say things that are absurd, but outright insults; calling one an idiot will not do.

Your analysis should show that somebody is. While expressing opinions, it is important not to make assertions. Merely telling readers what you think is not enough. A good writer must endeavour to persuade readers through argument, evidence and reason.

Mr Chagema is a correspondent at The [email protected]