Balancing affections between your babies

If you are the parent or guardian (or even aunt, uncle or grandparent) of more than one child, then you know how tricky it can be to ‘balance your affections’ – if that is even possible – between all the young ones under your care. I was reminded of this two weekends ago, when an entire morning and some of the afternoon, as well as a good amount of money from my wallet, was taken up by my efforts to assure our youngest that she is just as special as her two siblings.

Here’s how it came about: about two weeks prior, she and I were meant to spend an afternoon together in one of the malls, secretly enjoying the guilty pleasure of burgers and shopping. It was meant to be just the two of us, and that was going to work because her older sister was tied up with an errand of her own.

Then, a few hours before we were meant to leave, our older girl announced that she was postponing her errand so her afternoon was free after all. And I, in all innocence, invited her to join us on our excursion to the mall. I mean, the more the merrier, right? Wrong.

All of a sudden, our youngest’s mood changed. She just stopped communicating beyond one-word responses throughout the trip. When I asked her sister (under my breath and using gestures) what was going on, she shrugged her shoulders to indicate she was just as clueless as I was. So we both put it down to teenage angst and proceeded to enjoy ourselves thoroughly, convinced the girl would get over whatever the problem was soon.

After all, this was not the first time we were being given the ‘I’m not talking to you and I hope you notice’ treatment, and it usually resolved itself within a day or two. Well, this time it was a whole week, which was the longest that had ever happened, before I got to learn what the problem was. In a handwritten note that I found on my bed one evening, the young lady explained that the reason for her moodiness was that she did not appreciate ‘gatecrashers’ (aka her sister) during special ‘Mummy and me’ outings. I was speechless because I never thought that inviting another child of mine, who I love just as much, could present such problems!

So I acted swiftly and promised to make amends by taking her for her very own outing, even though my wallet at that time was in no position to agree with me. Thankfully, some shillings came through as the weekend approached and we were able to settle on a breakfast date that did not involve her sister. So this is how we ended up at a coffee shop two weekends ago. As we settled down to eat, I got to learn a few surprising things about our youngest, who by the way has the most expensive tastes among the three.

By way of making conversation, I asked her what she would do if she had a chunk of money and NEEDED to buy something for her house or family but at the same time also WANTED to take a trip that cost the same amount. Without missing a beat she looked at me like I had asked her for the answer to 1 + 1 and said, “Trip, of course!” Wow.

So I tried a different angle and rambled on for a few minutes about how important it was for one to be comfortable wherever they went – for example, I said, she should easily be able to eat in the rather posh place we were at that morning as well as in a ‘kibanda’ that serves fish and ugali. She waited for me to finish then said politely, “No ‘kibanda’ for me, thank you.”

Ahem! Let’s just say that I archived those two answers so I could examine them – and her – more closely in days to come. Looks like there might be some life lessons that need revisiting in the near future. But at least I am back in her good books and she is convinced about her special place in my heart.