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How to make sure your love life remains exciting as you age

LIFESTYLE
By Mirror | November 15th 2016

Think everyone has the best sex of their lives in their carefree twenties and it’s all downhill from there? Think again.

By adapting as we age, intimacy can be just as exciting and rewarding as it was in our younger days.

Here, Marisa Peer, who trains sex therapists, shares her expert tips on age-proofing our sex lives...

Sex can be so much better as we age. Like anything, the more experience you have at something, the better you are at it.

The quantity of sex make dwindle a little with time, but the quality will improve dramatically.

As we leave our teens and twenties we get over the urgent need to do it and if we have been with someone for a long time we know their bodies.

The thing that makes sex exciting is newness. That keeps sex compelling and gives it edginess.

But when you’ve been living with someone for a long time and seen them shave their legs, break wind, wake up with a hangover or have a cold we lose that mystery.

That’s why men go to strip clubs because seeing the dancer slowly take off her stockings creates allure and suspense.

They find that much sexier than seeing women on the beach in a bikini where they can immediately see what a woman’s body looks like.

So to age-proof your sex life we have to put a little bit of mystery back to ensure it doesn’t become predictable.

Don’t let it become ‘same old’ sex, like one of my friends who always does it with her husband on a Saturday morning before going to Sainsbury’s – always at the same time, in the same room.

To put some mystique back into your relationship, try dressing up and role playing.

Some people become very upset by the idea of fantasy but it’s a really good way to put fun back into marriage.

So if you’re stuck in a boring sex routine, try it in new places at different times with different positions.

Often when people stray they say they did it because it was exciting. Some people find watching porn with their partners works – and it doesn’t need to be hardcore porn.

Otherwise try reading erotica or watching something that titillates, such as Poldark.

The reason women can barely watch it without fanning themselves is because they imagine themselves suddenly swept up with Ross in a cove. Bring those thoughts into your sex life.

During fantasy play you don’t have to think of your partner as someone else, although people often do and it doesn’t mean you’re being unfaithful.

One of my clients dressed up as a nurse when her husband came home from a spell in hospital and he couldn’t have been more delighted.

Men often find women more alluring as they get older because they exude a confidence 25-year-olds often don’t. Men don’t care about cellulite but do care about confidence in bed.

Sexual confidence isn’t aggression but confidence to say, ‘I like this’ or, ‘I don’t like that’.

That’s why many men find Helen Mirren more attractive than a 19-year-old with a flawless body.

Similarly, an older man who has perhaps had seven lovers is going to be better in bed and have more warmth than a teenager who has watched porn, reckons he knows what women want and expects them to writhe around screaming in bed.

Good sex is about connection and closeness, and by changing our tastes and habits as we age we can keep the flame of desire burning.

How to age-proof your sex life

40s

This is a great age at which to re-energise your sex life.

The children need less of your time, which has a spin-off. Some couples make a pact to put the effort in and rescue a stale sex life, rediscovering the sex they used to have – and more.

In our forties we’re more confident and likely to speak up about what we really need and want in bed.

50s

This is when having the right partner and the right attitude is crucial.

Around 42% of couples aged 45-55 and married for 10 years or more still have sex weekly.

The amount you have it and how much you enjoy it is strongly related to how happy you are with each other.

Some find sleeping with the same person forever a negative, others a plus.

60s

There is no reason why you cannot enjoy great sex in your sixties.

Yes, health problems can intervene but the chances are the kids have left home, you have quit work but are still physically fit and you both have lots of relatively stress-free time on your hands.

70s

Research suggests plenty of people who are 70-plus rate their sex lives as “very satisfying”.

The orgasm quota isn’t what it was, but sex is slow, sensual and high on snuggling and cuddling.

The Wheelbarrow might be something used in the garden, rather than the bedroom, but if you’re still having regular orgasms at this age, you win hands down!

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