Norms do not work for me

TAZIM ELKINGTON, 50, is a motivational speaker whose passion lies in challenging people to think outside the box in order to achieve different and better outcomes. She spoke to NJOKI CHEGE about her life's journey and how they have shaped her lifeI call myself the ‘Indian Black Butterfly’ because I’m Indian, I feel ‘black’ because I was born in Kenya, and I love the butterfly as I see it as the greatest symbol of freedom and transformation. The Indian Black Butterfly is constantly changing to overcome the different circumstances and challenges she finds on her path.As a motivational speaker, I tend to be very direct and blunt because I don’t believe fluffing around will get us anywhere in achieving progressive change. I deal with issues at hand without fear or dilly-dallying or beating about the bush.Tazim Elkington at her home in Nairobi. [PHOTOS: MARTIN MUKANGU/STANDARD]Every month, I host ‘Open Qorner’ at The Tribe Hotel in Nairobi. The event has become popular and more people attend and interact with each other as they talk about issues affecting their lives. The topics range from relationships, racism, ethnicity, ageing and life-work balance, among others.Sound value systemMy discussions revolve around taking responsibility for one’s actions, creating a sound value system and disbanding old belief systems. One’s thoughts, perception, behaviour, attitude and the company one keeps sum up one’s life. Therefore, choice and being selective on all life’s aspects is one’s direct responsibility. I disagree totally with blaming others or one’s situation for our sorrows and misery. What happened in one’s childhood should not be used as an excuse for living a mediocre life today. The past should be left in the past. We all need to deal with right now in order to positively transform our present and future. We need to stay clear of the blame game and start taking responsibility for our lives.I was born in Nairobi 50 years ago to Indian parents and I must say it was not easy growing up. I was a little rebel who could not be contained in the little boxes that the community had cut out for me. As a child, I was always told to behave in a certain way as expected of all little Indian girls within our culture. But I couldn’t be confined and as a little girl, I didn’t do those ‘normal’ things.When I was three years old, my parents split up. My mum left me with my dad who was then in the mining industry. He travelled frequently around East Africa; from Rwanda to Uganda, Tanzania and Congo, and it was not possible for me to travel around with him, so I grew up with relatives in Nairobi, Mbale and Kampala. I was an only child of my mother (my father remarried later and had four other children), so I learnt to explore life and fend for myself from a very young age. Most of the things I know today, I learnt through direct experience.I got into tourism as my people skills and communication was evident from the onset. I started off at UTC then moved to Across Africa Tours, Nilestar and Wildlife Safaris where I worked for 15 years, rising through the ranks to become the general manager. While there, I initiated an annual event — a theatre and dinner evening — in conjunction with Hilton Hotel and Phoenix Players to fund a children’s home in Isiolo that housed about 80 children. My existenceDespite all the external progress in my life, I still had questions and did not feel as though I had understood enough about my existence. I kept asking myself: ‘What’s my life really about?’, ‘Why am I constantly looking for answers?’ ‘What does my life mean to me?’I already knew that life was not about ‘fitting in’ but about expressing oneself. My individual expression meant so much more than becoming another clone within groups that required certain behaviour and attitude. With time, I realised that no amount of money or possessions could make one truly happy. That was when I began my inner journey of meditation and self-inquiry. In 1996, I took a sabbatical. I had gone through major changes in my personal life. For instance, my divorce led me to reconsider my life as a whole. I wanted to examine my professional life, my friendships and my existence in its totality. It was necessary that I took stock of my life as I felt that it was ticking away without my conscious awareness. I needed to make tough decisions on what really mattered and how I wanted to steer the course of my life. Things that were once important seemed to have lost their glitter. Status, money and recognition were no longer a priority. What was very quickly becoming important to me was the meaning I was putting into my life. I was so tired of the pretentiousness and the external societal pressures that did not serve me. That year, I put my thoughts together and published my first book of poetry. I was also chosen to represent Kenya in Ma-Afrika, a South African competition for women achievers. I was one of 15 women from across Africa and I came to realise that when it comes to helping the less fortunate in society, one does not have to be very rich. The co-dependency that we have created in our country is unhealthy and regressive. We keep waiting and asking others to solve our problems. We do not take responsibility for where we are at and what we need to do to change things that don’t work. Instead we keep holding out our hands for help and select people to run political offices instead of looking for authentic leaders. If we are to change the course of our lives, we must take responsibility individually and collectively as a people.Huge changeFollowing my sabbatical, I joined the Hilton Hotel in 1997 as the director of sales and marketing. I worked there for two years. In 2000, life offered me the opportunity for a huge change so I packed my bags and left for Toronto, Canada, where I spent the next nine years of my life. Those years added to my already incredible experiences in Kenya and were such an eye-opener for me in every possible way. I went from being a consultant for Alitalia Airlines to an affiliate services and customer service manager in a real estate firm. I went from being in a longterm relationship to being single again and re-inventing myself in a foreign country. After nine years, I decided it was time to come back home. My creativity was at its peak and I decided it was really time to embrace and do what I loved doing. That is when I transformed into the ‘Indian Black Butterfly’ and ‘Paradigm-Shifter’. My methodologies and ideologies are definitely different. I operate from a space that challenges individuals, groups and businesses to do things differently in order to achieve better results. To progressively move forward, it is extremely necessary we change old habits, patterns, traditions, cultures and belief systems that no longer serve us, and implement clear value systems.I practise meditation and yoga daily, which keeps me grounded in the understanding that I am just a drop of water in the greater ocean of life. Challenges keep me anchored and give me the opportunity to grow and learn.

Norms do not work for me

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