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Can you date your friend's ex?

 Can you date your friend’s ex? (Photo: iStock)

There are those unwritten rules about who we should and shouldn’t date around friendship circles. There are girl/bro code rules that give guidelines on boundaries we are supposed to observe in the dating field.

For instance, bro code dictates that a bro should never date or hit on a bro’s sister or mother. I’m not sure what the sister code says about this, because I’ve come across ‘sisters’ who date and boldly shag sisters’ brothers.

Something I’ve never understood though, is the never-date-a-friend’s-ex rule. That a friend’s ex is off-limits and one would rather die single than date a former to their friend.

I don’t get it, because this is an ex and just that. Unless one still has feelings for them, or they have a kid together, they should never bother whom they date. Unless the ex was violent and they’re simply trying to protect their friend, no one should limit who their friend dates. Because of how connected is an ex to me, to an extent they shouldn’t fall in love with my friend.

While it’s true that such free-range dating habits can be a deal breaker when it comes to long-term and tight friendships, life happens and we can never really control whom the other person dates or decides to settle with. We sometimes fall for the least expected people.

You’ll find that people in the same circle tend to be attracted to or compatible with other humans in the same circle, with the same character. And, they say, love is like a cough. When two people are attracted to each other, why would our past be a hindrance to their love story?

I don't see why my girl shouldn’t date my ex. If my friend sees something in him that I might not have seen, or if he sees something in her that I didn’t have, so be it. 

Something that doesn’t make sense though, is the friends with benefits with a friend’s ex. Nonsense that one. But if it’s something long-term, why not? It completely makes a whole lot of sense.

We should scrap off our minds this selfish rule of never-date-a-friend’s-ex.

The dynamics of dating and relationships in the present day have completely changed and people should start hooking up their exes with their besties and see if things work out. Let’s be mindful of our friends’ feelings.

Should they show interest in persons whom we once dated, we should be the first ones to act as referees and give a thorough pass. We don’t own people. We don’t even own the current people we’re dating, what about our exes?

Each one of us is free to date whomever we want to if it gives us satisfaction. Bro/girl code is just but a selfish code.

We should be happy for people within our circle who find each other and choose love. Once one breaks up or parts ways with someone, that’s their ex and they’re free and just as available as anyone else.

Limiting whom your friend should date is mere social and societal pressure, immature and selfish. When we go to the market, we choose what we want to buy, pick and pay.

We shouldn’t die of loneliness just because a friend broke up with someone who has started loving us. No one knows where they’d find their soulmate and if my girl finds one in my ex, why not?

So yeah, date your bestie’s ex and make it happen. They might just be the ones you’ve been praying and fasting for. The fact that it didn’t work with your friend doesn’t mean it wouldn’t work with you. Who knows, you could still be single because you’re trying to keep a friendship that might not go beyond five or 10 years, or even two, at the expense of a life-long relationship. 

I wouldn’t mind if any of my girls dated my ex. That’s absolutely none of my business. They can date whomever they like and so can my exes. I will keep my boundaries, maintain our friendship and wish them all the happiness they deserve. Maybe we were not just compatible and they would be such a match! And if it doesn’t work too, well, we move. Life’s too short to keep ‘protecting’ what didn’t work or losing friendships over it. 

But much as I wouldn’t give a damn who in my circle dates my ex, I can’t date my bestie’s ex. I keep my lanes when it comes to my girls’ intimate people, current or exes.

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