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Why women are ready to be second wives

Marriage Advice

A few weekends ago, I wrote about the challenges independent mamas who are willing and ready to settle in marriage are facing as they try to find Mr Right.

They have narrowed their choices to the basic minimum but still, there's no man at the end of the tunnel.

A friend read my piece and let me in on another extreme single women are being pushed to because of  frustrations in the dating world.

"I am tired of dating losers. I am getting married as a second wife," Makena dropped the bombshell.

"What?" I asked. I was shocked.

"I have dated so many losers, I am fed up. The only sensible men are married and I found one who wants me as his second wife. I'm doing this Mama Tasha," Makena confessed.

I was lost for words. How can there be no eligible bachelor who has what it takes to marry my dear friend? I wondered.

My girl Makena is good-looking. Her beauty is so smashing, that when you walk with her, people are so mesmerised by her looks, they do not see you.

Other than her looks Makena is also thriving in her career and most importantly she has a heart of gold. And with all this awesomeness, she wants to settle as a second wife? Something is totally amiss.

"Please don't settle for less. You are worth it. Just be patient a good man will come along," I tried to talk her out of her outrageous decision.

"Better get a divorcee or a widower, but a second wife, no. My dear, the first wife will kill you with stress and drama. It is not worth it," I pleaded with her.

But it was a done deal. She was already pregnant, the man had proposed and was in the process of paying the bride price despite the first wife's protestations.

Ideally, she had already made up her mind and was just seeking my blessings as a friend. Though, disappointed, there was nothing much I could do. Welcome to the new normal.

Dashingly beautiful, well-established and exposed career women, PhD holders, who are above 35 are stooping to amazingly low levels as second wives.

But why? Why are women of means and class compromising their values just to fit in? Why do they feel inadequate yet they have achieved so much?

Truth is, in as much as marriage is not an achievement, society still judges single women harshly. They are seen as inadequate, just because they have no husband.

I have single friends who shun family gatherings because of that nagging aunt who will not let them be just because they are single.

Sarcastic questions  such as "you want me to die before I see my grandchildren," are common.


A vocal governor once dismissed the candidacy of a woman leader because of her status. I think it is time society started judging women based on the content of their character as opposed to their marital status.

The writer is a married working mother of a toddler boy and a pre-school girl. She shares her experience of juggling between career, family and social life.

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