Evewoman : My wife mistreats me when I’m broke
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My wife mistreats me when I’m broke

This week’s topic

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I was fired about two months ago. I have not yet found another job and I have not told my wife about this. This is because of the way she treats me when I don’t have money — she becomes very hostile and talks ill of me often throwing harsh comments. She even takes the children and goes back to her home until I get money.

I have had to follow her and literally beg her to come back. I don’t know how she will react to this. Even though she has a stable job, I fear she may kick me out of the house.

Please advise.

{Edwin}

Your take

Edwin, if a woman cannot support you when you are jobless, then there is absolutely no love in that marriage. I think your marriage is falling apart because you allowed her to control you.

 {Thomas Wekesa}

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It is unfortunate that you are jobless at this time when it is very hard to find work. However, many men are living life despite the harsh economic times and they are happy in their marriages. Why is your marriage pegged on money? You may be living beyond your means.

{Ouma Ragumo – Ratado}

 

The woman has demonstrated to you that her marriage to you is courtesy of your pocket. You may not have money all your life and she must accept this. Tell her you lost your job and if she goes, you will find another wife.

{Tasma Charles}

 

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To me, marriage should be for better or for worse. If your wife was the one who lost her job, would she expect you to care for her? If yes, why will she not do the same for you? Kindly talk to your wife and be open with her.

{Onyango Outha – jauduny}

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Edwin they say that the best way to know a woman is when her man has no money. This is such a difficult time it is when her true colours come out. Marriage is for better or worse so a wise and noble woman should stand with her man when he is peniless.

{Absalom Gere}

 

My take

Edwin, some women think that a man is as good as his ability to provide for the family. Ideally, most men would like to provide for their families. However, in this day and time when most jobs are in the private sector and competitive but is also highly volatile, being jobless is the norm.

 I encourage you to go right ahead and tell her as it is. If she finds it prudent to leave and go to her maternal home or wherever else she desires then so be it.

The earlier you tell her the truth, the better, then you will not have to live your life on a guessing curve. You may be worrying too much about this to the point that you spend more time and energy thinking about it instead of looking for another job.

When you have a clear state of mind on where things stand between you and her, only then will you be able to focus on finding another job.

 Nonetheless, I encourage you to study her carefully with a view to understanding her character and mindset. Reflecting on this to ascertain her character may also give you an indication of whether or not she is worth going after.

{Taurus}

 

In the next issue:

I am 26 and in a customary marriage. My husband has paid dowry and we have two daughters. My husband has been seeing a 24-year-old lady for a while and they have a son together. This has given me serious stomach ulcers. He plans to marry her and wants to pay her dowry and marry her customarily then he can formalise our wedding in church. I am not sure how this can work but I am also afraid that he gives her too much attention often leaving us for days only to come home flat broke. I am totally stressed. Please advise.... {Lorna}
Photo: guides.acu.edu

Dear readers, this column appreciates that no one has all the right answers and, therefore, seeks to get your feedback on the issues raised for discussion. Next week, we will publish your comments and advice. Kindly send them to: [email protected]

You are invited to send your burning issue for discussion in this forum before Wednesday.


 

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