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My fiancée hasn’t told me about her child

EVE WOMAN
By By TAURUS | September 28th 2013

By TAURUS

Topic

We have been dating for one and a half years now and are planning to get married soon. My fiancée has an elder step-sister who she doesn’t get along with. The sister also, at some point, wanted me to be her boyfriend behind my fiancée’s back. She also doesn’t give my fiancée any support forcing her to depend on the small cash she gets from her mum. Three months ago, the step-sister sent her away from her home and I was forced to take her in. We now live together and I take care of all her expenses including paying her college fees. I recently discovered that she has a three-year-old daughter who lives with her real sister whom she has never proposed we meet and doesn’t like talking about. I haven’t told her I know about the kid, yet but I am confused and really don’t know what to do about this. Please help... {Mark}

 

Your take

The sad reality is that you are in love with a liar and chances are that she doesn’t love you for who you are, but what you have.  If she loves you, she would have disclosed about her baby the same way she confided in you when things were wrong with her step-sister. Hiding some info about her and disclosing some, means she is not faithful . She is not worth your trust, but you are the only one to decide regarding your future. Marry her and live with all the insecurities, or leave her and set your soul free.

(0nyango 0utha )

Your fiancée’s baby should not be an excuse for you to marry her if you love her and want to live with her for the rest of your life. She could be worried of losing you if she discloses about her child. Now that you know, just approach her and let her know she should always be sincere, since you love her.

 (Ouma Ragumo)

Maybe you never asked your fiancée about her past and whether she has a child. It is hard sometimes to break such news, especially when a man seems disinterested in digging about someone’s past. If you truly love her, don’t let this kill your dream.

(Wilberforce Atsiaya)

Looks like the lady is not honest. The best way to go about it is to sit her down and discuss the issue.  If she accepts her mistake, forgive her and move on with your plans.

 (Tasma Charles)

From the story, that lady is already your wife, since you guys live together. A child is a blessing; please don’t let this ruin what you have.

(Ben Shikuku)

Counsellor’s takeFrom what I understand, the main problem here is the daughter that she has allegedly kept a secret all this time. It would add lots of value if you found out why she has been hiding this all this time. If possible make this a friendly and candid discussion — not a fight — so that you get to understand her perspective. If it is indeed true, take time to reflect on if you would be willing to accommodate her and her daughter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with dating and marrying a lady who already has a child, but you need to love her enough to withstand the resistance that may come for the initial years from your family members. If you love this lady, do not write her off simply because of the child. Every child needs a daddy, and if her reasons for keeping this from you are genuine, you have a chance to make a difference in that little girl’s life. As you think through this, put yourself in that child’s shoe. Wouldn’t it mean the world for you to have a daddy figure around you? And how would you feel if your mother was rejected by a man who she loves just because of you? Take time and meet the little girl as well....

{Taurus}

 


 

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When reality knocks on your door
I had a serious case of a writer’s block while working on this article! I was writing it as the liberation of Westgate Mall was underway (I refuse to call it a siege - trained commandoes using automatic weapons on unarmed civilians doesn’t qualify for that word). So anyway, back to my block. As I analysed why it was so difficult to start, I realised that in the light of what was going on nationally, what I had planned to write didn’t seem quite as important. I’m not at all saying that it wasn’t smart, or witty or deep but the national situation around just seemed to demand so much more… thoughtfulness?

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