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Hubby wants me to be a stay-at-home mom

By The Lounge | September 21st 2013

THE LOUNGE: I graduated in 2007, worked for sometime, then took a career break to raise children. They are now old enough and I found a new job, which I really like, but it involves a lot of fieldwork. My husband is now totally against it saying I am neglecting the family (especially the children) and now he wants me to resign. It doesn’t matter that this job is a good foundation for my career, he says that since he paid for my degree, it is ok if I spend my time taking care of my family and that he earns enough money to adequately support the family. Please advice...

Your take
When God created Adam, he realised he couldn’t do well without a helper, he got him one — Eve. You are the Eve in your house, have you been playing your role right?
(Ben Shikuku)

Your husband is just insecure and the only thing you need is to assure him, by action and talk, that you will still be his wife irrespective of the many travels you make. It only shows how much he loves you and that is the reason he paid for your degree.
(Tasma Charles)

Assure your husband that even with your job, you will still be the wife and the mother that you were before. He is insecure, you only need to clear his doubts and let him know that you need the job as much as you need the family.

I feel your husband and I don’t understand why you should disobey him yet he is the one who took you to school, if he is ready to provide, sit pretty and be a good wife.
(Wilberforce Atsiaya)

When your husband took you to college, I don’t think he did so for you to get professional knowledge in raising children and being a good wife. He knew you had to get a job at some point, sit him down and assure him you still be a good wife even with the job.
(Onyango Outha)

Counsellor’s take

Joan, I think your husband is being insecure and paranoid about your field travel. This has nothing to do with neglecting the children, but the fact that he imagines many things could happen to you when travelling; so he feels as if he does not have enough watch over you. Insecure men will always be just that and no amount of convincing will get him to accept your current job. You may have only three options; one, give in to his demands and stay at home to raise the children; two, ignore him and continue working (may cause some if not a lot of friction) and three, get another job that does not require you to travel so that the insecurities may reduce. Nobody in their right mind takes the trouble to educate a wife and then demand that she stays at home to take care of the family. These insecurities are actually unnecessary as anything can happen anywhere even right inside his house. If anything, by asking you to remain at home, he maybe increasing your vulnerability to those things he is trying to avoid.

In the next issue:
We have been dating for one and a half years now and plan to get married soon. My fiancée has an elder step-sister who she doesn’t get along with. The sister also, at one point, wanted me to be her boyfriend. My fiancée has been living off her mother who sends her money for her basic necessities. Three months ago, she was beaten and sent away from the sister’s house and since I was the only one who could help her, I took her in and have been taking care of all her expenses including college fees. I just discovered that she has a three-year-old daughter who lives with her real sister, but she has never mentioned about it. She has also made sure I don’t meet her real sister.  I am confused and don’t know what to do about this. Please help me...’

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