I no longer love my ‘illiterate,’ broke hubby

This week’s topic

My husband was doing very well in his transport business before it collapsed leaving him deep in debt. Were it not for my cousin, we would have been auctioned. His problem is that when he has money he worships it and treats us like rubbish. For the last few months, I have been taking care of all the responsibilities including paying school fees for my son and sister. Besides that, I have no feelings for him because of the bad things he has done to me over the years. We live in the same house but in different worlds. Sex is history because I’m no longer attracted to him and to make it worse, he is illiterate so we cannot even reason together. I am not happy in this marriage and have tried to leave several times only to keep going back. I need your advice on this, especially on how I can leave and just not come back. I want to be happy in life.
{Jackie}

Your take

Undecided minds waste half their lives seeking sympathy from people oblivious of what they are going through. From what you said, God forbid! I think you married this man for his money. Do you love the man or the money? You have the right answer.
{Ouma Ragumo}

It is ironical that you met and fell in love with this man illiterate or not, it didn’t matter to you then. Now that he is financially unstable, his ‘illiteracy’ has now become an issue among other reasons cited. With or without our advice, you honestly know what kind of feelings you have towards this man. The earlier you make a decision on leaving or staying, the better.
(Khasandi Phyllice)

Your husband needs a business consultant and a counsellor on how to handle finances, and also play his role as husband and father. Leaving him because of illiteracy is not an option I would consider if I were you.
(Ben Shikuku)

The good book says that a wise woman builds her home while a foolish one destroys it. You both need to see a counsellor and iron out issues keeping you apart.
(Onyango Outha)

Your attitude towards your husband is wanting and you have already passed judgment on him. You have made up your mind to leave without first trying to seek ways of helping him out. Are you leaving now because he is broke? If so, this is unfortunate.
(Dennis Omondi Otieno)

With sex and affection gone, the marriage has hit the rocks. If you are sure you are honest and that you can no longer talk to him, leave and never look back.
(Tasma Charles)

The real problem in this relationship seems to be lack of communication. Your prejudice to your ‘illiterate’ husband has blocked this. He needs your help even as he tries to adjust himself. Things can be made better.
(Makuba Francis)

Counsellor’s take

Jackie, the fact that you keep leaving this man while at the same time keep going back to him is an indication that you are still attached to him. In this life, we are always taking bets; bets on people we take as spouses, bets in business, bets in our jobs among others. Some of these bets pay off while others just fall out and when they do, the solution is not to leave but to get ways and means of dealing with it. If you leave any man who falls broke at some point, then you will need a database to keep a tab on them. Everyone was blessed with different abilities and therefore all men cannot be equal. Be thankful that you have means of providing for the family and supporting him then go right ahead. Human beings are known to respond better to positive treatment than to criticism and ridicule – even in a situation like yours where he is on the wrong. Hang in there and do what you have to do remembering that a bird in hand is worth more than two in the bush.
{Taurus}

In the next issue:

I graduated in 2007, worked for sometime, then took a career break to raise children. They are now old enough and I found a new job, which I really like, but it involves a lot of fieldwork. My husband is now totally against it saying I am neglecting the family (especially the children) and now he wants me to resign. It doesn’t matter that this job is a good foundation for my career; he says that since he paid for my degree, it is ok if I spend my time taking care of my family and that he earns enough money to adequately support the family. Please advise... {Joan}