Are you in a rebound relationship?

By Jennifer Karina

A new relationship after a breakup with her boyfriend was what Joyce thought would bring her fulfillment, contentment and happiness. However, to her disappointment, instead it brought her much anxiety, disappointment and regret.

“We started experiencing major conflict for no apparent reason. Everything seemed to be a reason to fight about, simple misunderstandings turned to serious conflicts. We seemed not to agree on anything. The harder I tried the worse it got.  We had agreed to take some time out, and before I knew  it, I hooked up with an old friend and we are doing so well together. It’s simply perfect and I feel this is where I belong!  Now I’m confused. I miss my boyfriend but I’m enjoying my new find.”

Trapped

Joyce has entangled herself with a rebound relationship.  A rebound relationship is one that occurs shortly after the break-up of a significant love relationship.

Generally, when people break up then immediately involve themselves with someone else, they feel the need to prove to themselves that they are worthy of love and affection. 

They may desire and miss the Triple A doze — affection, attention and affirmation, so to feed their ego and boost their self esteem, they draw the dose from engaging in another relationship. The justification can often be that “oh, I’m needed in this relationship”, or  they want to prove to themselves and those around them that they are certainly worthy of another’s love.

It is important to be true to yourself and explore whether your motives are sincere.

 Are you simply feeding your ego? Living in denial? Have you taken time to reflect, resolve the conflict with your previous partner and explore all options for reconciliation? It is worth remembering that sometimes the need to mask pain can drive you to more agony.

More hurt

This is the biggest problem in a rebound relationship. Usually someone ends up being used and hurt as a result. If you are in a relationship to distract yourself from the hurt of the broken relationship, do yourself a favour and step aside, acknowledge your emotions and heal before you move on.

It is easy for one to sometimes mistake the comfort of the new relationship for romance and fantasise to suit their immediate needs.

This state of affairs is temporary and the reality is that you might just be enjoying the difference of personalities and closing your eyes to the flaws of your new find. Whatever the case, wake up and save yourself the possible disappointment and pain.

Maybe you could spend a significant amount of time focusing on your previous partner, wondering what could have gone wrong and finding out if you are making the right decision to engage in another relationship.

You have many unanswered questions and dealing with many emotions.  Whenever you focus on your old relationship, you are sabotaging the success of the present one, so do yourself a favour and sort out what you need to before you move on!

The writer is a relationship coach and author of Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke