Bi Mapenzi

Every so often, my hubby and I like trying out those quizzes in magazines and on the Internet just to see how we are doing as a couple.

Usually, we start off as a fun exercise, laughing off each other’s responses. But there are times those quizzes on love and marriage give us a reality check and open up our eyes to some things we may be taking for granted.

When this happens, we reflect on what the differences mean and try to check the areas where our relationship needs improvement — and sometimes this decision occurs after we have fought and blamed each other for the things going wrong. Have you ever been in the same position?


The danger with assuming that all is fine with a relationship is that you can end up taking each other for granted, assuming that each is okay with the other’s behaviour. After all, you are married — you have no choice but to embrace each other’s behaviour.

My hubby and I have come to appreciate the value of some of our arguments. They distinguish us as individuals joined in a union, where our likes and dislikes may not always be the same. Then, we open up to each other and express ourselves, re-emphasising once again what we like and don’t like.

Taking offence

This way, we are able to improve or find ways to indulge in what one partner likes but in a way that does not offend the other. For example, when my hubby brushes his teeth, he likes to gurgle and grunt, making a horrible noise in his throat. He then spits out on the sink. But that is how he has brushed his teeth from when he was a child and no matter how much ‘training’ I do, he naturally goes back to what he knows best.

So since it seems I can’t stop him from this morning and evening ‘ritual’, we have come to some sort of agreement. When he is brushing his teeth, I leave the bedroom and go to another room. He also tries not to brush his teeth in my presence. That way, he gets to indulge in his ‘unique’ behaviour while I stay away so I don’t get offended.