Hope amidst despair

Throughout her life, Lucy Wanjiku Njenga, 21, has known nothing but disappointment, suffering and endless struggle. Discovering that she was HIV-positive and losing her son nearly broke her, but winning a beauty contest restored her hope. She spoke to Shirley Genga

Tell us a little about yourself…

I had a difficult childhood. I am the firstborn in a family of three. My mum had me before she married my stepfather. Even though my mother did everything she could, I never felt like I belonged in my family. I was always an outsider. Nothing I did was right and that affected me a lot. I was withdrawn, shy and angry. I felt like decisions concerning my life were made without my input. As a result, I often ran away from home to my grandfather’s place in Murang’a.

Where did you grow up?

I was born and raised in Nairobi until I was in Class Four, then we moved to Nakuru where I stayed until Class Eight. In 2005, we moved back to Nairobi and I joined Amani Children’s Centre in Huruma, which offered education to orphans and widows’ children at lower cost. The director died when I was in Form Two and the centre was closed.

Where did you study next?

I was taken to Nairobi Girls Academy in 2008. My stepfather worked in Mombasa at the time and I think the distance affected my mother because she began drinking heavily. I was thus forced to grow up and take on so many roles at home. I looked after my brother and sister, did house chores and still attended school.

Some months later, my dad was transferred from Mombasa to Kikuyu and he felt upcountry life would be a great beginning for us. So we all moved to Kikuyu, but I was not able to go back to school because of personal reasons.

When did you go back to school?

A few months into 2009, I decided to run away to my grandfather’s in Murang’a. My mum, who had moved to Nairobi, begged me to come back and she promised to pay my school fees, but I knew she could not afford it.

In desperation, I went to SOS Children’s Home, hoping they would pay my school fees, but they told me they only catered for orphans. Instead of going back home, I slept under a tree.

Where did you go next?

I walked to Presbyterian Church of East African in Kariobangi South and prayed. I remember telling God I was tired. All I wanted was a good education, but I could not get it. I felt a lot of peace and I talked to the pastor’s secretary about my situation. She called my mum and reconciled us. My whole family later moved to Dandora and I joined Getrude Girls’ High School.

How was high school?

In June of 2009 while in Form Three, I met a boy who lived in Dandora with his brother and I fell in love. I felt like I had finally found someone I could talk to about anything.

You won a pageant in August 2010; tell us about that?

I won Miss Dyms in Dandora and then in October I won Miss Koch, a beauty pageant initiative in Korogocho Slums.

Did you finally do the Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education exams?

Yes, but I had to register privately and study at home because my parents could not afford the tuition fees.

I sat for KCSE after winning my second title and I discovered I was pregnant in the course of the exams. I had no job and my boyfriend also had nothing. I decided to move to my grandfather’s, but a few months later, my mother came for me. My stepfather, however, didn’t allow me to stay at home. He forced my boyfriend to accommodate me.

Where did you go?

I moved into a small house in Dandora with my boyfriend. The room was tiny and had no windows. We had no electricity and we sometimes slept hungry. In June last year, I gave birth to my son. My mother took care of all the bills. When she saw our living conditions, she moved me into a house with a friend, hoping that my boyfriend would soon get a job.

Did your boyfriend get a job?

No, and I had to move back home at some point. When that became difficult, my mum rented a house for me nearby. She would bring us food, but it soon became financially heavy for her. It was a difficult time.

What happened next?

I believe God looks out for me because during that time of uncertainty, a friend invited me to live with her family. Her mum was so good to me and treated me like one of her children. And even though life was not easy and I was forced to do odd jobs like carrying water to construction sites, I was happy.

When did you find out you were HIV positive?

I found out in January this year. Late last year, my son got very sick, but the hospital I visited said it was as a result of allergic reactions. They told me to stop using a stove to cook, but I had no choice.

National Organisation of Peer Educators had an open day screening in Dandora. My friend’s mother was a peer educator at the organisation and I decided to get tested. I found out I was HIV positive.

What went through your mind when you got the news?

All I kept thinking was that my son was probably sick because of me. I had only been intimate with one man, so I did not understand how I got infected. I did not know how to tell my new family or friends, so I kept it to myself and refused to deal with the issue. The only person I told was my boyfriend, who promised to get tested. However, on the day I was to accompany him for testing, he did not show up.

Did life change after that?

Nothing much changed and the daily struggles continued. The only thing that hurt me the most was the fact that I could not breastfeed my son. Sometimes he would look at me and it felt like he knew what was going on in my mind and understood the emotional turmoil in my heart.?

Did your son’s health improve?

A little, but in February, he became very sick and was diagnosed with pneumonia and rickets. His medicine cost Sh3,000, which I couldn’t afford. I have never felt so hopeless in life. I borrowed from anyone I could think of and finally managed to raise the amount. Unfortunately, my son died less than two weeks later.

How did his death affect you?

There is no worse feeling than taht of a parent burying a child. I was in denial and kept thinking I would come home and find him.

What happened to David’s father?

I reconciled with him in April after burying David. He came looking for me and asked me to move back with him. After all I had been through, starting all over again seemed appealing. I moved back in with him, but he lost his job a few months later. We began living in debt and quarrelled a lot. He began cheating on me and I moved back home in September.

What inspired you to try out Miss Fabulous beauty contest in September?

After all I had been through this year, I fell into depression and self-pity. I needed something to make me feel alive again; to restore my hope. So I applied and out of the 507 girls, I was among the 30 finalists. Something in me sprung back to life. For the first time, I spoke about my HIV status. I also got the courage to tell my family and I decided to take control of my life. I went for a CDF 4 count last month and found out that it was over a thousand, so I am not required to take antiretroviral drugs, but Septrin.

What are your dreams?

My dream is to mentor young girls and to make them realise that being HIV-positive is not the end of the world. I am part of Rona Opti-Media Solutions, an umbrella body working with members, groups, celebrities, corporate organisations and the general public by providing support to causes that benefit the society. We reach out to girls aged between 15 and 23 years. I want my life to mean something. I want to be an ambassador for change.

What are you future plans?

I hope to go back to school and do a course in community development and sign language. I am currently looking for a stable job.