Young adults must step up

By Njoki Karuoya

I visited a friend over the weekend and her eldest son, Trevor, aged 20, was in the house. It was almost 1pm and he was not yet up. According to his mother, this had become a habit since he cleared KCSE last year. He had not performed well yet for some reason, he seemed to blame his mother for his failures and expected her to sort out his life.

When he woke up about two hours later, I was shocked at his level of disrespect for his mother and his siblings. He was rude as he ordered his mother to give him food. He did not seem to care that there was a guest in the house, which should have signalled him to demonstrate better behaviour.

After a short argument, his mother — my friend — served him a large plate of food and a huge glass of juice, which he promptly took up to his bedroom to eat solo. He disregarded everyone, including his younger brother, who wanted to spend time with him.

Kid gloves

Observing this young man’s behaviour, I wondered what future lay before him. This was an ‘adult’ who still expected his parents to treat him with kid gloves and solve all his problems, yet he wanted to be treated like a man simply because he was over 18 years and he carried around an ID.

And this is the problem plaguing many of our young people. Those without the means to parachute their lives into success work doubly hard with minimal resources to just get food on the table, while those with the means waste away waiting to be hand-fed with success.

My friend explained how she had tried to place him in a computer school but he had said he was not interested because he wanted to pursue a different course in one of the expensive universities in the country — just because he wanted to be with his friends who were enrolled there.

I was aghast at how spoilt Trevor is. At some level, his mother was to blame because she had consistently waved aside his rudeness with differing excuses. When he was much younger, she kept telling us; “Let him be, he’s just being a child.”

Later it was; “Let him be, that’s how teenagers behave.”

And now, the song is, “I don’t know what to do with him.”

Trevor’s father had generally been an absentee dad (he lived with them but he spent most of his time with his friends in pubs and other outings rather than with his family).

What is unfortunate, however, is that Trevor and his attitude are not alone. Many young adults think they are owed by their parents and walk around either with a wounded or arrogant attitude. Years go by as they put their parents through hell with ulcers and high blood pressure in the mix, demanding one course of action after another. They insist on being taken to colleges and pursuing courses their parents can ill afford. Or they demand jobs they cannot get as they lack the proper qualifications (appropriate education and experience).

Reality check

To these young adults I say: Even if you still live with your parents and rely on their support, you should make positive decisions that affect your life. A mature adult is one who appreciates his or her elders and benefactors, and treats them with respect.

Disrespect an elder or benefactor and they, together with the society, will disrespect you. Though they may continue to show you love and support, they will not hold you in high regard and will consider you a joker.

Second, and most critical, a mature adult is realistic. If you appreciate that every decision you make impacts on your life directly, and that your parents will not be there forever to support you, then you will do whatever it takes to move towards the life you want.

That journey begins with working hard at school or campus/college and in taking responsibility for your actions. If you did not perform well, you must take what is being offered to you then work it so that it leads you to the career path and life of choice.

Many successful people did not start on the path they now tread. Instead, they embraced some or all of the opportunities that came their way and worked very hard, all the while laying strategies to make those opportunities work for them.

Some used those opportunities to help them go back to college and pursue the courses (and eventually careers) of their choice; while others used those opportunities to gain experience and contacts to take them to the next step, and the next until they were on top of their ladder.

But this can only happen if the young adults get a reality check and grow up.