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Doubles standards in marriage

By -Julie | December 8th 2012

By Julie

My  cousin calls me in panic; she is at the hospital with her seven-year-old daughter and the doctor says the girl needs an x-ray. She needs Sh500 to add to the money she has for the procedure. Immediately I send her money via Mpesa, and only later do I mention in passing to my hubby that I sent cousin so-and-so some money.

A week later my mum calls asking for a loan of Sh10,000. It’s a loan; she plans to refund the money so I inform my husband and pretend to ask for his nod on this. Honestly, even if he said no, I would send the money. But he says it’s fine; we can lend the money, as long as she plans to refund it. I know my mum will.

Today it was my aunt — she is sitting exams next week and has been sent from school because of fee balance. She needs any amount to offset the balance so she can be allowed to sit for exams. I have seen her labour and penny pinch to take herself and her children through school. I would sell my new pair of shoes to give her any money she needs to accomplish this.

This time I decide that talking to my husband about the new demand will only start issues of how my folks are depending on us. So I secretly send her Sh3,000 through Mpesa and hope to pull strings in the kitchen budget and my lunch money to cover up for this.

Funny thing is, if my husband pulled such stunts, my mouth would be swollen with complaints. He would not hear enough of how much so-and-so is leeching us. The double standards we employ when it comes to family!

But I guess for me, the lesson is that we will always have people in our families or close circles who will be in need. No one is self-sufficient.

So next time he tells me his sister needs a place to stay while in college and his nephew is out of school for school fees, I will be more accommodating because I have accommodated my own people.

After the nuptial comes submission
Dear freshly married lady, It’s that time now to settle down in the institution of marriage where you’ll understand that love is more than romantic feelings and physical expression.
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