Misery TV invokes in marriages

Couples fight over the TV's remote control with the husbands wanting to catch up on news of the day and wives wanting to stay abreast with their Mexican, Filipino soaps or Naija movies, writes ANTHONY KAGIRI

Sometime back, I noticed that every time I got home in the evening, the first thing to get my hands on after hugging my wife was the TV remote.

Coincidentally, I get home just in time for prime time news at nine and the desire to catch up with the current affairs is good justification to hold the remote at ransom. My way of watching news like most men is shuffling through all channels looking for a different angle to every story. This habit irked my wife and she loathed news time. I had to change.

I have discovered that it is not only women who ‘suffer’ from this agony of the TV because men too are victims. Many women are enslaved by the Mexican soap operas and the ‘Naija’ movies. Men who mostly have no interest in the ‘obvious love dramas’ are left out.

Sometime back I was meeting friends and when time came to go home, James said he was not leaving yet. Asked why, he said he had to wait until the "wife’s programmes ends". Such is the misery the TV has invoked on many marriages.

Source of conflict

Whereas the TV is supposed to be a form of entertainment, it has become a source of conflict in some families taking away the precious family time.

To avoid the agony of the soap operas and the news, many men get home just before 9pm while women sneak out of the table room at news time. In some homes whoever gets the remote first guards it jealously because if it lands on the hands of the partner, the channels will change.

I believe it is possible to balance the desire for entertainment and staying on top of the news and quality family time. This calls however for sacrifice and compromise. Setting some ground rules helps a couple to deal with this challenge.

If your spouse is competing for attention with the TV you need to evaluate your behaviour and see whether it is worth your marriage, otherwise your relationship is headed for doom. If you feel the TV has become your co-wife let him know you are not happy. It is good for a woman to appreciate that she can live without watching her favourite series and a man to know that there is no emergency in watching news or the action movie.

Couples committed to grow their relationship will be bold enough to switch off the TV and focus on themselves. This will mean foregoing some favourite programmes for the sake of your relationship. It could be a few minutes daily or having some ‘no TV’ days. I know families who switch off TV during dinner and this helps them connect.

Common Interest

There is also the option of identifying programmes or movies of common interest and watching them together. This provides an opportunity to bond. Programmes that are educative are best for this. It could be on relationships, parenting or adventure.

A couple can also isolate a few programmes that a partner can watch but ensure that family time is respected. Be careful to take into consideration the interests of your children. However they should never be the masters of the TV and the control should be with the parents.

Taking the TV to the bedroom is one thing you want to avoid. Although there is the temptation of exclusive watching with your spouse there is also the reality of it interfering with your interaction. Worse it could interfere with your romance.

It is very unfortunate when the TV robs your spouse time to connect with you. Be bold and switch it off!