Wedding gone wrong

Everyone hopes for a perfect wedding day, but things do go wrong. DINA GERDEMAN recounts some of these cases and shares on how to snap out of a wedding gone awry

Katie O’Brien thought she had plotted out every detail of her wedding so well it was bound to be the day of her dreams. But there was just one hiccup: The DJ was a no-show.

"When I got to the reception, all I saw was this little boom box sitting on a table,’’ says Katie, 28, who married Tyler Morell in October in Kingston.

"The DJ apparently got the dates mixed up. It was terrible. I didn’t know what to do,’’ says Katie.

With another year here, many brides are diligently planning every detail, crossing off tasks on their to-do lists, and, ultimately, saying a few prayers so they can pull off their big day without a hitch.

Wedding planners pride themselves in making sure every detail is covered so disasters are less likely to happen. Some even go to the extent of providing ‘everything but the groom’ — largely to minimise on the possibility of a mix-up.

Yet no matter how well people plan, a variety of big and small things can go wrong on the wedding day, and in some cases, brides are forced to switch into damage-control mode.

In Katie’s case, she spent an hour of her reception away from her guests, dealing with the music fiasco. There were phone calls to the DJ she originally hired — he was in Canada; there were phone calls to a different DJ to fill in — this guy was in his underwear watching a football game but did agree to hurry over; and perhaps most importantly, there were attempts by the guests to make the best of a not-so-great situation.

Katie’s father, for example, sang an a cappella version of ‘I Loved Her First’,’ which acted as the couple’s first dance song.

Mix-ups

With all the work that goes into making weddings run smoothly, even a seemingly minor problem can be upsetting to some brides.

"If the flower colours aren’t right or the maid of honour isn’t happy with her hair, it can be hard,’’ says Beverly Ann Bonner, a wedding planner.

"It might seem like a tiny problem to someone else, but it’s a bride’s wedding day and she wants everything to be just right,’’ says Beverly.

While some brides dissolve into tears, others manage to move on without much fuss. Beverly recalls a customer who had her heart set on an outdoor wedding and even when it rained, she went ahead with the ceremony as planned. She and her groom exchanged vows amid drizzle while many of their guests pushed up umbrellas to stay dry.

"It was a little wet, but hats off to her that she had it her way,’’ says Beverly.

The bride says she was oddly calm about it — and even when the rain smeared her makeup a little, it didn’t bother her.

"I was just happy to get married,’’ she says.

That wasn’t the only misstep of the day. The makeup artist didn’t show up, so about an hour before the wedding, this bride and her girlfriends hurried to a makeup counter at the mall and talked a line of teenage girls into letting them get made over first.

And then she discovered that her high-heeled shoes were ‘horrendously uncomfortable,’ so she ended up wearing flip-flops instead.

"At least I was comfortable,’’ says she.

That is just the laid-back response that warms the heart of Chamein Canton, a New York wedding planner for almost 15 years.

She has witnessed just about everything that could go wrong: The ex that appeared uninvited; the bride who gained weight and discovered two days to the wedding that she couldn’t fit into her gown; enemy bridesmaids who had a catfight a couple of hours before the wedding; the groomsman who drank too much the night before, leaned too close to a candle during the ceremony and caught his head on fire; the caterer who ran out of food and at another affair, the wedding cake that didn’t show.

Red carpet moment

Many brides lose it when things go wrong, often out of proportion to the problem.

Chameine says: "I liken weddings to red carpet moments. Most of us are never going to the Grammy’s. We’re never going to have that red carpet moment. So a wedding can turn into that. The brides build it up so much that if it doesn’t execute perfectly, they flip. I understand how they feel. But you make plans and then life happens.’’

Chameine says she is careful not to feed into a bride’s freak-out.

"She will start saying her whole day is ruined, and I remind her that the whole point of the day is getting married and the best thing she can do is laugh it off. Sometimes things don’t come off perfectly. You have to learn to let go, breathe, and get over it. You can laugh or cry, and crying doesn’t help anything.’’

Besides, there is a solution to almost every problem: The uninvited ex was quickly turned away; the bride who gained weight went shopping for an off-the-rack dress that fit and the wedding cake that didn’t show was replaced by 150 tiered cupcakes when the wedding planners raided four different bakeries.

Recovery

For some brides, it’s less about the need for the perfect wedding and more about putting on a fantastic show for their guests.

Katie admits that it was difficult in the moment not to let disappointment consume her but now, she looks back with a new perspective.

"You spend so much time planning this one party, so when something goes wrong, it takes awhile to shake it off. You look back at these things fondly. The things that go wrong almost give the day character. I’m glad it happened because we ended up having some pretty hilarious memories.’’

Perhaps the ultimate quick recovery from a wedding gone awry?

In one wedding the groom backed out last-minute. The bride took off her gown, put on regular clothes and said, "I paid for this. I have all these people coming. Let’s have a party.’’

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