How bodybuilding helped me fight my past demons

Sheetal Kotal, a body builder, reveals that she grew up in a violent family She battled alcoholism, attempted suicide and that her brother’s death changed her

You have bad memories of your childhood. Why?

 I was born in an average Indian family. I was an insecure child due to my petite body. I kept so much to myself. I was scared and always shy of people. I felt worthless and tried to commit suicide four times. I liked being alone.

My parents separated when I was young and my mother became a single mother. It was tough. She walked out due to my father’s regular beatings. He would come home drunk and beat her up. It was bad. I hated my family and always wondered why we were so ‘different’.

I cannot remember days when we had peace at home.

Is this what drove you to get married at such a young age?

 Yes. It was a way of escaping all the drama at home. See, my mother couldn’t afford to pay my school fee and hence, marriage was the only path out of poverty. I had to get married so that my siblings could go to school.

At some point, you were hooked to alcohol...

Yes. Due to the myriad challenges that I faced since childhood, including the death of my brother with whom I was really tight, I fell into depression.

Alcohol made me forget my troubles. It was my consolation.  My breakfast, lunch and dinner was alcohol.

Looking at you, it is hard to believe you suffered from anorexia...

I did. I was a bad eater. I drowned myself in alcohol and food was the last thing on my mind. For eight years, I was hooked to anti-depressants, sleeping pills and mood enhancers. I was in really bad shape.

You say your brother’s death was an eye-opener...

 The last words my brother told me before he passed on was that I need to be strong to conquer everything. Those words kept my spirit alive. I went to see a therapist, who encouraged me to join the gym.

I learnt how to use the gym to strengthen myself instead of weakening myself. Here, I was able to channel all my energy.   I stopped drinking and slowly began getting better. I became a bodybuilder.

 Are you happy now?

Bodybuilding has changed me and my life in a good way. I have won numerous awards. I smile, I can talk to people, I don’t fear anyone, I am confident, I am brave, disciplined, determined... name it.

My inspiration comes from being able to mould myself to my liking, to have control of my body if not my circumstances. To have the power to strengthen myself, to my own preference, and look strong. To be able to translate my pain and fears into strength knowing that I can do it.

Coming from a community that is very conservative, did you get the support you desired...like performing in a bikini for example?

  Not at all! However, they learnt to embrace my career and as time passed, they came to accept it.

 

Apart from bodybuilding, what else do you do, and where do you see yourself in the next five years?

I work as the head of imports and logistics at an engineering firm. I see myself working in the same organisation. I will also continuing with my hobby of bodybuilding and help in mentoring women in the same sport locally. This sport is quite therapeutic. I also want to be a good mum and good partner and focus more on my family.

How do you balance your career and home/family life?

 I wake up at 4am and hit the gym till 7am. I then go to work, get back home at 6pm, do family stuff with kids and go back to the gym till 9pm. On contest prep days, I train twice. The boys are grown now, so they also help me with house chores. We help each other and they are my biggest fans!

Keeping fit is a walk in the park. What is your advice to first-timers?

There is no easiest or fastest route. Bottom line is small steady progress will get you there. It will take everything you have, but it will also reward you with much more than you expected. It goes beyond physical looks, it will discipline your way of life, teach you how valuable time is.

 If you had the power to change the world, what would you do?

I would help all insecure kids, those who feel unworthy, scared, unloved, alone and depressed. I would teach them how to be strong, love themselves and believe in themselves just like I did. I wish someone could have done it for me, but it’s never too late.

What is your greatest accomplishment in life?

To have conquered my demons of the past.