Tumia gazeti uone: 10 rules to observe in city Kanjo toilets

If you have eaten more than two calendars in Nairobi or what jailbirds call ‘mvua mbili’ to mean two years then you have probably used public toilets, popularly known as choo za Kanjo more than once.

While they were once upon a time free of charge, today, you have to pay depending on whether your business is short call or a ‘long drop.’

But maybe what you didn’t know is that these toilets have rules, which if broken, could land you in problems. While notorious folks have turned toilets walls to advertise their ‘dark’ businesses, here are 10 rules to be observe when using choo za Kanjo.

1. Tumia gazeti  uone 

Although users complain that the tissue given at the door is ‘too short’ for their circumference, there is nothing like reporting to public toilets carrying kitabu ya hesabu or a newspaper for ‘reinforcement’ fearing kukatikiwa na tissue, especially for ‘shagz-modos’ checking in to Nairobi for the first time.

2. Choo is keja

See, the word public toilet means hundreds of people must lenga the same shimo, not only to reduce ‘human traffic’ but also to make enough revenue for kanjo and ‘toilet management.’

You must finish your business within the time limits that don’t get the female attendant getting suspicious whether you have been flushed by majini.  

3. Kanjo needs 4-1-1 

Users are advised to report folks from Kanyam-Kago village who might have executed the ‘long drop’ but dispensed with kumwaga  maji na jug since most Kanjo toilets  did away with functional flushing systems in colonial days.

4. Vumilia harufu, mtu wangu 

If you expect expensive air fresheners to hit your Third World nostrils in public toilets, think again.

What greets you is not for the faint-hearted and usijaribu kutema mate. The working mantra is ‘undugu ni kuvumiliana.’ 

5. No advertising waganga

Almost all choo za kanjo have advertisement of all kind ranging from those looking for partners who are ‘Twin Sim’ to waganga but if you are caught doing this, just know that your goose is cooked.

6. If you enjoyed, say it

Like other services that require users to leave their observation and even ratings, did you know that kanjo welcomes your observation after feeling relieved from the small room?

And there could be a number of things to complain about including their dilapidated states, broken door knobs, lack of water and holes on doors that allow those waiting to ‘monitor your behaviour.’ 

7. Kanjo knows your gas

Smoking inside public toilets is banned and could land you on the wrong side of the county bylaws, so, if you think you can lock the door pretending to answer a call of nature, just know that the attendant is ‘trained’ to differentiate between cigarette smoke and the one emitted after squatting. 

8. Don’t dump here

For those who take advantage of offloading their pockets after paying Sh10 in pretence of irrigating the nation, you could land in trouble as dropping plastics and other stuff in public toilets is prohibited.

9. Eat your own gas

Eating inside public toilets is against County bylaws as some folks from the aforementioned rural hamlets might think it appropriate to munch njugu or ‘KDF’ (scones Mwitu).

10. Wet your hands

If after visiting the toilet all you do is pocket your hands and fish a phone then just know that you have to wash your hands going by the looks those female attendants give when you leave performing the long drop bila washing your hands.

Cholera is only for big people, you know.