War of words over grammar as Kenyans protest ‘xaxa’ generation English

Wrong use of grammar has seen people disagree, and even fight. Not long ago, there was a war of words, which culminated into a fierce protest between teachers, students and alumni at an Indian college over a missing apostrophe on the institution’s newly-constructed name board.

Similar, in America, a city council had to beat a hasty retreat after their directive to ban use of apostrophes sparked off protracted protests with locals saying it was not acceptable to use incorrect grammar anywhere, not even on the council’s street signs.

And now closer home, with everything poised to go digital, the Digital Authority of Kenya (DAK), those dreaded guys who switched off TV stations, have warned locals not to expect a postponement of the migration from Queen’s English to the xaxa generation type, since the country has no choice but to stick to the global deadline!

Older Kenyans who strictly use the Queen’s language have everything to worry about because they have no choice, but to quickly learn how to use xaxa-generation English.

“This is part of the Government’s efforts to move all our communication tools, methods, systems and mediums from analogue to digital,” the DAK boss said.

“Besides, teenagers all over the world are now communicating exclusively in xaxa-generation English, and all Kenyans, especially the older ones must catch up,” added the no-nonsense boss.

Proponents of the migration say the changeover offers many benefits that the regular English lacks. “With xaxa-generation English, you are able to communicate with as few xters as psble... c wot i’ve jst dan, right there? Dah!” the Director General’s press release to newsrooms read in part.

“Despite the language being annoying, it has many advantages. For instance, it makes communication take a shorter time, you also don’t have to worry about space constraints, and it also offers a scapegoat for fellows who are poor at spelling...!”

Word on the street has it that the Government is so serious about it that this year’s budget speech will be in this kind of English.

While it normally takes about three hours to be read in regular English, it will only take five minutes or so in xaxa-generation English. This, Government experts argue, will save legislators the agony of getting bored and dozing off.

However, journalists who get paid per the number of words they write have everything to worry about because their word count will reduce dramatically, and so will their pay.

The migration is also expected to improve family relationships, with everyone speaking and writing in the same language for the first time, thus ensuring that parents of teenagers are henceforth able to see ‘i2i’ with their adolescent sons and daughters.

Among the things DAK intends to do to anyone found not having migrated to xaxa-generation English once the deadline passes, is blocking their text messages and emails. Also, adults found violating the ban will face a severe sentence of being locked up in a room with a teenager who strictly communicates in xaxa-generation English.

Older Kenyans, especially teachers are up in arms, and plan a massive protest to force the authorities to postpone the adoption of xaxa-generation English. However, not everyone is fighting the migration. Some people are already looking forward to the switchover, and are preparing for it.

Take for instance Dishon, a Nairobi resident. He has even gone ahead and bought a xaxa- generation English dictionary from China, and is also taking lessons from his teenage daughter.

“My girl is teaching me the language, of course at a small fee. So far, it’s been gr8! Hehe! LOL!” revealed the balding father of five.