How do I tune a divorced young woman to like me?

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Last Friday as I went through my mailbox, I stumbled upon a strange request from a certain Sam, who claimed to be an avid reader of this rag. For some strange reasons, Sam imagines I am a relationship expert. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from the truth. Actually, all I do is to critique.

Sam wrote in seeking my advice on how he can 'tune' this young pretty divorcee acquaintance he was recently introduced to. Now, being a wise junior elder and also in a bid to dispel the notion that editors are mean-spirited snobs who don't read or replay mails, this what I have to say.