Bandits who come with the Bible

By Oyunga Pala

In a relatively religious county like Kenya, priests and pastors are revered.Those men and women who serve in the ministry of deliverance from earthly burden are a privileged class who are lavished wherever they land. Most are just regular professionals in the religious industry but among them are a special category of faith healers.

Evil charms

Those ‘gifted ones’ hold the special skill of supernatural insight. They possess the gift of sight to spot devilish entities, invisible to naked eyes that impede our human progress. 

With one look at your homestead, they can identify hidden evil charms in the rafters below your roof, responsible for the serial deaths of your newly acquired cows. 

Their sight improves dramatically after a hearty meal of chicken stew. With little prodding they will insist that the painful growth in your abdomen is caused by a leopard’s tooth that was mysteriously imbedded by some envious uncle who keeps appearing in the healers’ visions.

Money

With powers from above, they can cast away the devil, but only after you agree to part with some money, for the task they are about to embark on is life threatening. One notorious pair in my side of the world used this con to great effect until they got busted recently. They would pry on recently widowed women dealing with numerous inheritances wrangle following the passing of a husband.

Exploiting the feelings of victimisation, they appear in elaborate regalia to rid the home of all those dark spells responsible for her misfortunes.

The act starts with a diagnosis that leads to elaborate prayer. The prayer has to be loud to unsettle the wicked ones. Meanwhile, hidden behind the house, a colleague, regular pothead with bloodshot eyes and long shaggy dreadlocks, undresses ready to start streaking across the compound on cue.

His role is to run wildly making incoherent sounds as soon as the healer commands “the devil to come out of hiding in Jesus name”.

The sight of a tall, dark naked man, with bloodshot eyes and hair that falls to his backside, is quite startlingly to the unaccustomed. The healer feigning ignorance, steps out of the house brandishing his wooden cross. At the sight of the cross, the possessed man flees off in fright to go bother some other innocent soul.

Shadows

The ploy had worked several times in the past until the widow’s keen nephew happened to spot the fake ‘devil’ undressing in preparation. He decided to wait patiently in the shadows unaware of the ongoings until the healer came out to claim victory over the dark forces when he burst in wagging a flexible guava cane.

I am told those two posted some Olympic qualifying times fleeing from a raging mob and have since retired from the trade. They survive on odd jobs around the village.

Religious hypocrisy continues to big business. The yearning  for spiritual guidance in these draining material times ensures a steady stream of gullible devotees. Genuine faith healers are rare individuals of almost monk-like stature.

But the majority masquerading as healers, whose posters are plastered all around promising miracles, are enterprising opportunists with the gift of the gab stealing in God’s name.