Quit whining, return to basics on success card of women’s liberation

Ever since Women’s Day on Friday, my mind has been on wandering self-reflective mode with no clear destination or conclusion in sight. As we all know, International Women’s Day (IWD) has become a big deal complete with glamorous hash tags. I am willing to bet in a few years, IWD will be such a big deal that we will have a public holiday. Looking at women today with their swag, colour and confidence, it is hard to imagine there was ever a time they were not allowed near steering wheels, bank accounts or voting booths.

In the spirit of feeling progressive and celebrating all the woman that I am I joined a number of women events which featured various panel sessions to discuss women. At the end of day, I walked away feeling hollow, with a funny anti-climax feeling.

Somehow, I felt sometimes we women need to go back to the drawing board and look at some certain basics - this big picture thing in my view is not working. In my view, perhaps it is time we stopped chasing the lofty sounding 2/3rds gender rule and got back to the basics and it all started with a cup of tea.

Many might wonder what tea has to do with women empowerment but it seems to have a lot. In many forums that I attended or discussed many women posed the tea question - to make or not make tea. You see, tea is a big deal after all it has caused many global wars and literally changed history.

So it is no wonder that the success card of women’s liberation will be determined by a small cup of tea.

Picture this- it is a few minutes to a meeting either in a political or corporate boardroom. As usual a woman (or women) will usually find herself in the minority for this is often a male dominated setting. We take hospitality seriously this part of the world, so in the corner of the room will be the usual set piece combination of massive flasks offering the usual mix of milk, water, coffee, tea bags (and for some strange reason water melons in government meetings).

The weirdest thing then happens- men who usually fully capable of serving themselves, of dismantling entire engines become complete invalids. They assume the woman (or women) in the room who on any given day is their corporate equal (and in come cases superior) should oblige and serve them. Some are brazen and make their demands known asking for the tea outright, while others couch it in jocular banter while others say it in their eyes.

Feel disconnected

What then follows is the major decision tree for a woman. Usually women who can negotiate massive contracts, running entire companies are reduced to deciding if their true worth lies in making that cup of tea. If the said woman goes ahead and makes the cup for them, she could be turning back the clock on female advancement and risks being seen as a waitress for eternity.

If she fails to serve the tea (especially if she is requested to make it), she will be labelled a tough ball-breaking feminist. From the deliberations on Friday, this issue will continue to hover over the heads of the women navigating the male dense power arena for there is no wrong answer. Based on discussions, success belongs to the woman who knows who and when to and when to serve or not serve tea. 

A second issue that seemed to keep coming up is the baby-spouse question. What I found really interesting is that women themselves do not seem to accept that there are many amongst them who do not want to have children. Women also seem to be oblivious to the fact that there are many women who find baby conversations bothersome and tiresome. There are many women who feel put off by women talking about how nanny trouble impacts corporate progress, or how guilt ridden mothers wail when they feel disconnected to their children. There is a growing faction of women who feel that the baby conversation should be kept out of the workplace- if you choose to have children and a career then perhaps you should suck it up and deal with it.

Little to show

Quit the open whining about the late hours, or feeling like a bad mum, just get on with it. Whining about having what women fought to have for so long feels a lot like an own goal.

There are murmurs from certain women who felt that working mums whine and moan as if they are martyrs yet they made knowing choices to have children in a world that demands more from those who choose to work.

Yet this small faction needs to realise that women’s reproduction cycles, rights, and emotions are and will always be central to who women are and how they engage with the world.

It amazes me that women did not seem too focused on the 2/3rds gender rule- they felt that it has no chance of ever seeing the light of day.  Many felt that a reality check is needed for we all know that for such a bill to be enacted, it needs too much male energy – and that will simply not happen.

Other women felt that we have little to show for the percentage we currently have saying that most women who have found their way to power through affirmative action are just flower girls to be seen and not heard. For many women this year, we need to fix the basics, teach young girls how to have enough self-esteem and confidence to know how to respond to the tea question.

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