The December teenage sex scandal

By TONY MALESI

KENYA: During December holidays, children have unlimited and unsupervised free time. Other than the usual tinkering with electronics, vandalism, bumming around watching TV and experimenting with drugs and alcohol, teenagers quench their curiosity about sex. Differently put, it’s a time most children lose virginity — bad news to any parent and a sad reality none wants to talk about.

Mwangi, 38, is one of the nine out of 11 people who this writer randomly polled and confessed to having lost virginity during long December holidays in their  teenage. Mwangi lost his virginity at a tender age of 15, while in Form Two, and sadly for him, to a house girl.

Mwangi says that while growing up, his parents would not dare talk to him about sex. It was taboo. He, in fact, says his mother frowned upon condom adverts so much so that whenever one beamed across the TV, she squirmed and quickly changed the channel.

It was the house girl who, through understatements and euphemism, introduced him to sex — complete with a practical lesson.  “My parents never talked to me about sex. The house girl is the only person who talked to me about it. Considering we used to spend more time with her than my parents, I ended up losing my virginity to her,” he says.

He further claims it was through the ignorant house girl that he acquired many other misconceptions about sex.

Ingrained

“It was until much later in life that I learnt that going for long without sex has absolutely no negative effect to one’s health. This was one fallacy the house girl had ingrained in me,” adds Mwangi.

Mwangi’s case is just one among many others where curious teenage boys have been preyed upon by randy house girls.

Nancy‘s case was different. Her husband, who is in the habit of smoking from the kitchen balcony, excused himself on the pretext of going to “shoot breeze and enjoy a smoke of cigarette” at the rooftop of their rented flat. That was last year at such a time — December.

He took unusually long to return. Nancy instinctively suspected something was amiss. She tiptoed towards the rooftop only to find her man in a compromising situation with a Form Three neigbour’s daughter.

“I was so shocked, I couldn’t believe my husband would stoop that low — fondling with a school girl. I almost collapsed; that a high school girl was my competition really stressed me. I, however, reported the girl to her parents. But much later, it dawned on me that men have always been men — full of surprises. And when it comes to sex, all they need is privacy and they bed anything — even a goat — in a skirt, its age, social class and other factors notwithstanding,” says Nancy.

She says that her dumfounded husband, in his sheepish attempt to defend himself, mumbled something to the effect that the girl had approached him with homework, which they were discussing.

“Some men are said to be so shameless that they’ll seduce anything in a skirt. With schools closed, girls, most of whom are hot blooded, are on the prowl and some of us wives with rogue husbands have every reason to worry,” moans Nancy.

She further adds that these girls are under the influence of rogue hormones. And that they’re desperate to experiment sex and all sorts of misinformation they have exchanged with each other in school. It’s a hard time for both parents to teenage girls and wives.

Donald, a Nakuru resident, says his niece, a high school student from Nairobi, visited him after closing school.

A while ago, Donald returned home earlier than expected only to find a man comfortably curled on the sofa like he owned the house; the man was in a white vest and legs propped on the coffee table. His niece who was in the kitchen didn’t notice Donald getting in the house. Donald went straight to his bedroom to change.

By the time he came back, the man had left. Donald chose not to ask his niece who the man was, but instead enquired from the watchman. The watchman told him the man sells and loans movies at a shop in the neigbourhood.

To his disappointment, he was also told the movie guy is a regular visitor at his (Donald) house every lunchtime.

Watching

“That guy is always at your house around lunch hours. He spends a considerable amount of time there. What else they do there, I can’t tell,” the watchman intimated innocently.

Sadly, this had come against the backdrop of Donald discovering that his niece watches blue movies.

“This incident came barely a week after a blue movie my niece had been watching got stuck in the DVD player following a power outage, and began playing upon power returning during supper time.

This happened at the chagrin of my wife and brother. I am now confused whether to send her back home or report to her parents. When it comes to talking to her about sex and whatnot, I don’t know where to begin,” complained Donald.

Edward, 44, is a single dad to 17-years-old son who recently cleared Form Four. Owing to the nature of his work, a newspaper editor, Edward arrives home relatively late.

On three separate occasions, Edward walked into his house and noticed a strong lovely scent of female cologne. He got suspicious of what could be going on in his absence, during the day. He summoned his son for a man talk.

Being a journalist, all Edward  did was ask his son a couple of long-winded questions that saw the boy confess his ‘sins’. Son confessed that indeed he’s been bringing girls home and they have been “entertaining” each other. Scared with the dangerous development, Edward gained courage to have a candid talk with his son about sex.

“I was so shocked that my son has been having sex — lots of it. For the first time, I mustered the courage to lecture him on sex,” he says.

Edward confesses that he’s been shying away from talking about sex to his son, leaving the responsibility to teachers in schools — where he’s been spending most of his time. “I avoided such talks for so long, hoping teachers would do it. Unfortunately, teachers, too, seem to be avoiding it, assuming parents will do. I hardly have time to sit down and talk about such. And again, it’s embarrassing. The little time my son has been home for holidays, I send him for tuition to keep him busy. But now it’s crunch time for me and there’s no more tuition and the shocking revelations woke me from slumber,” says Edward.

Youthful watchman

Martha learnt that her teenage daughter spends more time flirting with their youthful watchman at the gate. When enquiring from her house help about the conduct of her teenage daughter, a Form Four leaver, Martha got startled. She discovered that her daughter is always at the gate, flirting with the watchman.

The house girl surprised Martha when she casually told her that her daughter is so naughty that on several occasions, she has found her making the watchman blush and chuckle — shyly.

Martha says she had to confront the watchman and warn him against entertaining her daughter. Martha, however, says she is not sure whether the two still meet and, in fact, very doubtful about her daughter’s virginity.

“If at all this kind of hanky panky is what has been going on, my watchman could have as well taken my daughter’s flower,” Martha moans.   

Chelagat is a mother to a teenage girl who finished her exams last month. Her daughter is a social media addict.

“My girl stays up until late doing nothing but chatting on Facebook and WhatsApp. I have no idea who she chats with, but I highly suspect she flirts with men because she is always giggling. I have tried to warn her against her long phone calls, which are characterised with nothing academic but uncalled for chuckles and giggles — in vain,” says Chelagat. 

Chelegat moans that unlike some time back when her daughter could stay in the house watching TV, she nowadays asks for bus fare and even refuses to say where she is going. At times when forced to disclose where she is headed, she only mentions that she is going to town to meet former schoolmates.

Sexually active

Chelagat suspects her daughter is sexually active. She is at crossroads and has no idea how to introduce sex education to her.

These cases are a mere tip of the iceberg. A shocking story ran in The Standard last Monday about students in a school in Trans-Nzoia County who have been impregnated and forced to drop out of school.

Among those who impregnated them are security officers, fellow pupils and villagers. Not to mention a recent Government report indicating that children as young as eight years old, actively engage in sex.

Hassan Nyawanga, a health care worker with APHIA — a USAid funded NGO working in Kiambu County, advises parents to put aside taboos and other cultural beliefs and begin sex education in earnest.

“Parents have to sit teenagers  down and talk about sex. They should first listen to them and ask them to freely say what they know — or have been told — about sex, correct misconceptions and teach about sex,” he advises.

He further urges that adolescents should be told the truth not convenient lies.

Better still, shy parents should take kids to youth friendly centres, he adds. In this centres, he says, there are professionals who will equip adolescents with; life skills — which entails wadding off adults making sexual advances; knowledge on reproductive health and sexually transmitted infections.

“Contraceptives should be considered because rudimentary abstinence seems ineffective, its declined effectiveness says it all,” he concludes.