Help! My wife dresses sexy to work but not for me

Married men really go through it. Cold meals. Cold feet at night. Mandatory celibacy. Being called by their first name. The silent terror of living under a dictator. On top of everything else, though, nothing trumps the microaggression of having to deal with the raw versions of their women. You see, the version of herself a woman projects to the world looks nothing like the one she settles into at home.

As any man who has been in a long-term relationship will tell you, there is such a thing as ‘putting one’s face on’, a highly-detailed and ritualistic three-hour regimen that women get up to in the morning. There is also the reverse of this process, a much quicker, much less delicate process. You see it when they arrive back in the house after a long day of doing life. Seconds after crossing the threshold, a woman will slither out of her outside skin like an ageing snake.