A mother knows best

By Brenda Kageni

Motherhood brings with it many rewards and indescribable joys, which are often unfathomable to someone who has never been a mother. Think about that two-toothed smile that greets you every time you get home, the little eyes that sparkle at your sight, the muffled "I wuv you" that could never mean as much said by anybody else, the big hug from your 15-year-old when you are having a down-in-the-dumps-kind-of-day, the soft faces, the smiles, the games, the pizzas, the dirt and most amazingly the unconditional love.

These are the things that get many women wanting to do the motherhood thing again and again despite the sleepless nights, feeding programmes and changing of diapers. But there is this special part of motherhood that many women are grateful for — that it opened their eyes and taught them to appreciate their own mothers. In fact for many women, giving birth opened up their eyes to appreciate the gems their mothers are and it has improved their relationship with them.

Mama sought the best for me

For Kaaka Nabea, the attachment to her baby came with pregnancy then during labour; and then the first six moths of the baby’s life. This made her realise how much she had put her mother through and how much she owed her.

"When you realise that birth is not just normal, that you are at the risk of getting complications, even at risk of losing your life because of this baby but then you realise you love this baby so much and the rest is irrelevant."

Nabea is always prepared to do anything for her baby and that the knowledge that her mother went through the same and felt the same about her made her start respecting and appreciating her much more. The same things she wanted for her daughter were the same things her mother had wanted for her. "Then it dawns on you, too late and you remember all the wrong things you did to your mother, yet all she wanted was the best for you. I discovered how much I had cost my mum yet she forgave me and raised me up with love. You become the same forgiving and loving parent to your child."

Lost identity

Being a mother has meant losing a lot of herself. People often ask her how her daughter is doing before they even ask her how she is doing. Others come to her house and duly inform her that they have come to see her baby, not her. She recognised that just like her, her mother may have lost her identity.

"Everything changes. Even your name changes. When you came into this life, it hits you how much you changed the life of your mother."

Before her baby, Kaaka would call her mother like once in a week. "As long as I was fine and she was fine, then we did not have to talk so much. Nowadays, two days cannot pass by before we talk. You appreciate her much more. She is the one that teaches you how to take care of your own baby. The fact that she raised you means you can trust her. When I do not have a househelp, she is the first person to come over and stay with my baby because I have to go to work. There is no one else you would trust with your baby more than your mother."