Dr Mollis, kindly spare my wife another visit
ARTS & CULTURE
By Maftah Yusuf
| September 12th 2015
NAIROBI: After reports that the legendary Mollis is masquerading as a doctor operating a clinic in Gomorrah, I cannot help but wonder whether he has laid hands on my dear wife. There was a time Michelle, was going for prenatal care all, the way to Gomorrah. “Haki my new gynae is so cool. His charges are reasonable and he does not scare you with those horrid speculums they use for terrifying expectant mothers in other hospitals. You don’t even ‘hear’ a thing when he is examining your body. You salenda to him and wake up all fine,” she once excitedly announced after a visit to Gomorrah.
I usually do not pay attention to her old-wives tales and only thought Michelle is running at the mouth again. But the recent case of #DoctoredAbuse got me thinking. Could my wife have had an encounter with the infamous Mollis. The quack raping women in Gomorrah must be the same Mollis whose exploits we all heard. All the time I watched that clip, Michelle’s voice was playing at the back of my mind with her saying she never feels anything after you salenda to daktari’s sedatives.
After getting confirmation from my lawyer that indeed a visit to Sodom Healthcare can form the basis for divorce, I launched my investigation.
“Michelle, were your prenatal exams carried out in a normal examination room or did the doctor lock himself up with you in the operating theatre?” I wanted to know.
She gave me that look reserved for people poking their nose into her private affair before asking me, “Una maswali mengi kwani we ni polisi!”
I knew I needed to change my approach. All the while suppressing a feeling that Mollis indeed had invaded my property. “Michelle, this is serious!” I shouted. “Were you offered any sedative pills before your examination in Gomorrah? Answer me right now” I ordered her. “What are you, a doctor? I don’t have to answer that,” she declared. After unsuccessful investigations into the matter, I postponed the divorce until I was sure. I later told my lawyer that the only evidence I had of Mollis and Michelle was a steamy relationship on Facebook. Apparently, Dr Mollis updates his timeline on Facebook by commenting on most current affairs to which Michelle comments.
Like I came to learn that Michelle has joined her favourite gynecologists in lobbying for castration of rapists as a punishment to deter the rising cases of rape in the region. A rapist who waylays women on their way to the river according to them should be handed over to Nyeri women for punishment. As for those rapists who do it in style, those who at least sedate the women, their case is entirely different. It can be argued in court by invoking the two-consenting-adults defence. “She willingly entered the operating theatre undressed and took sedatives. Of course she expected invasive procedures,” it can be argued even before the judge.
She even suggested that Sodom Healthcare could do with a few Bungoma wheelbarrows to serve as ambulances instead of boda bodas they use to ferry pregnant women. Her take on the expose. “That video is photoshopped. The Dr Mollis I know is the sweetest medic I have ever encountered. Haters will never cease to amaze.” Well there you have it. Yours truly firmly between a rock and a hard place. My grounds for divorce suddenly becoming very slippery. I chose to be proactive in this matter. “Pass my regards to daktari. Ask him where he gets the energy to attend to his many patients.” She just laughed and double tapped her support of daktari and social media.
I agree with Mochama, let's review our school curriculum entirelyI must admit that I had lost hope in this country’s and Africa’s readers’ adoption and absorption of works from young and progressive African writers. But after reading Tony Mochama’s well analysed piece in The Standard on Saturday titled 'Ngugi made his mark, but it’s time to restock literature shelves', I can confirm to you that I feel more rejuvenated than ever.
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