Marital disputes should be solved by relatives, in mother tongue – Kikuyu Elder

When the harmer falls upon a marriage, it not only scars those involved but has a ripple effect on the couple’s children, close family friends and the community.  Divorce also takes its toll on the couple, with the spouses experiencing, the loss and grief of the relationship in different ways.

According to the Marriage Act 2014 section 65, the five grounds for the successful petition for the dissolution of marriage, is adultery, cruelty, exceptional depravity, desertion by the other spouse for at three years and irretrievable breakdown of marriage.

The law also provides for reconciliation in section 64, which states that the parties may seek services the services of any of the reconciliation bodies established for that purpose that may exist in the public place of worship where the marriage was celebrated.

New Life Church Bishop Nick Wanjohi says couples should take the example of the Joseph who after hearing of his wife Mary’s pregnancy, chose to leave without subjecting her to public ridicule.

“If the marriage is at its end, then the parties should preserve their dignity and avoid exposing each other to public ridicule for the sake of their children,” he noted.

He explained, that married couples should be thankful for the time they had together and the property they acquired together and share it without resentment.

Rware Council of Elders Chairman Gakuo Matu says couples should seek counsel from blood relatives who know the benefits and value of the union and can offer advice in a context of love and understanding.

“Nobody can save a couple from public humiliation when they disagree except their blood relatives, because they have feelings for both parties and offer an understanding ear to couples grievances without exposing them,” Gakuo said.

He said when outsiders offer counsel, the true feelings and problems between the couple are never expressed, and it gets worse when those offering advice are making money from the acrimony.

“Marital problems need to be solved in the mother tongue, with a familial approach, because there are certain things that can only be expressed in the communal traditional setting,” he stated.

He noted it was embarrassment to the elders and entire communities when the divorce proceedings end up in the public domain, as they too feel the pain and devastation of the failure of the union.

Lawyer Wahome Gikonyo explains that contrary to perceptions, getting a divorce is not hard, as long as the parties can provide the necessary evidence required under the law. He says divorce seems difficult because as a country that values family as the basic unit of society, The Constitution has accorded certain protection and recognition to the institution.

 “Getting into a marriage is not easy and requires one to meet certain requirements therefore getting out also demands that you ensure you meet set standards,” he warns.