Facing a break-up? Here are a few simple rules to make it less dramatic

Over the last few weeks, we have been held captive by a certain local couple who terminated their relationship in a rather very public and dramatic fashion. The proceedings from this breakup saga would make for a blockbuster movie or a titillating best seller. This drama had me thinking about breakups. Even the most stoic among us will confess that breaking up is never easy.

It is my view that our sisters and brothers in the West are better at managing the breaking up process. They appear to have no qualms about clinically informing the other party that “this is not working” or “it is not you, it’s me” and other pronouncements that signal the end of the relationship. They are even good at managing some semblance of normalcy in their relationships with their exes.

How I wish I could say the same in this part of the world. Here, breakups lead people to strange behaviours such as failure to respond to texts and phone calls or just mysterious unexplained disappearances.

They do so in the hope that the other party will get the hint and mysteriously vanish into thin air. Unfortunately, this strategy causes even more heartbreak and often leads to the kind of craziness we have seen recently. So, to avoid such situations, here a few simple rules to follow if and when you choose to break up with someone.

Do it in person

If you feel unable to continue enjoying or dispensing affections to someone, it is best that you inform him or her in person. You see, some cowards go to social media and deploy strange tactics such as changing relationship status (from in a relationship to it is complicated), to posting cryptic messages (when one door closes another opens). These attempts at beating about the bush are pure escapism and do nothing to help with the pain and heartbreak. The best approach is to do swiftly and in person.

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Surrender personal belongings

We all know love or illusions of love cause men and women to do strange and irrational things. People in love tend to wipe off all boundaries between their bodies, their feelings and assets. When the relationship comes to an end, some partners develop the clingy habit of holding on to assets and property in an attempt to give the relationship an extended lifespan. We know those folks, those who hang onto house keys and make random visits to their exes.

We know those ones who hang onto electronics and automobiles even when their relationship is as good as dead and buried. What follows is an unnecessary circus that usually starts with a civil request for return of property and often ends with involvement of lawyers and the police.

Some exes become total headaches by using the drip approach to the surrender process. They make piecemeal returns in an attempt to maintain contact and flex emotional power. Post-breakup returns should be done swiftly, completely and with minimum drama.

Avoid the slander and hate speech

Breakups have been known to take people to a dark place where they derive pleasure from bad mouthing their exes. Some heartbroken souls find some perverse sense of satisfaction from telling the world of their exes’ real or imagined shortcomings.

Women particularly excel in the slander of the ex programme, where they dish out details about their ex’s shortcomings with his bedrooms skills and equipment being the perfect ammunition. Some men give women a run for their money as they spew explicit details about their ex’s ugly side. Slandering your ex is as good as slandering yourself; best approach is to lick your wounds and accept your once poor sense of judgement.

Sever all ties

Once a relationship is over, do not maintain any sort of relationship with your ex’s family and/or friends. You have some self-absorbed exes who continue to show up for family functions just because they once upon a time liked the mother or father of their ex. Others are shameless as they seek out friends of their ex to show that they have moved on and all they care about is world peace and harmony. Such exes should take their efforts to more worthy causes for friends and families are just like assets and property - you cease to enjoy their benefits once the relationship is over.

No Break up sex

Some folks believe a special session of sexual intimacy is necessary to mark the end of the relationship. I do not know why they imagine that one final roll in the hay is bound to bring matters to a decisive close.

Break up sex never really works, it just leads to more sex, therefore giving the relationship an imaginary lifeline. It is highly possible that an ex can be lousy in everything else but sex, but once a relationship is over then even the sex is over.

Finally, it has been proven that the best way to get over someone is to get with someone else as soon as possible. However, the need for speed in moving on should not lead one to move on with your ex’s best friend or relative, unless you are ready for the inevitable bloodbath.

It is also important to note that booze and exes do not go well together so avoid drunk texting, calling, or visiting your ex for it is bound to end badly. Hearts get broken all the time, so no need for ugly and demeaning behaviour.

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Breaking upRelationshipsBreak-up