Your househelp may bring you joy, but she's not your friend

The start of the year always comes with househelp drama. For reasons that most of us do not understand, househelps conveniently inconvenience their employers by failing to return to work on the agreed date and time after the holidays.

This wrecks havoc on households, especially where you have working mums and tiny tots - let’s just say it leads to serious mayhem and mental stress. January then becomes the househelp search month and sometimes it can be so stressful and dramatic that it makes the football transfer season look like child’s play. Most women (especially working mums) will tell you that all they pray for is a fairly trustworthy househelp who will keep the house clean and children sane. Seasoned women who have walked the journey of househelps will tell you there is a method to the househelp search madness, which involves following a few tips. Today, I share a few nuggets from these women.

For starters, the woman of the house must conduct an honest appraisal of her household to gauge how its occupants will respond to the attractiveness of househelps. Most female househelps are employed at their prime, when their bodies are morphing into attractive, curvaceous and luscious body shapes.

The woman of the house needs to gauge if bringing such bodily flowers in bloom, might cause the men in her house to stray both with eyes and with their bodies. If the house in question is home to more than two males who have broken their voices, then the woman of the house will be courting disaster if she chooses to employ a househelp who appears too cute, too sexy or who has hints of bootyliciousness.

This is because we all know what bringing such a woman in a male dominated household will inevitably lead to some or all the men hitting on her and the story might end with the househelp becoming a co-wife or a grandmother.

Since none of these options are palatable, the sure way to avoid this is to hire matronly ladies past their prime or a houseboy (although that too has its challenges).

Usually in January, many women are so desperate for help in the house that they forget to conduct basic due diligence. It is important to establish exactly where the potential hire comes from especially where young kids are involved. There commonly held myths about how certain regions in this country produce certain behaviours and temperaments in househelps. I have heard some women say househelps from certain parts of Eastern Kenya are excellent with raising babies, but others from certain parts of Western Kenya are great in culinary skills though they tend to be petty thieves.

These myths and folklore get in the way of making sane decisions where a woman gets so pleased about finding a househelp that she fails to determine seemingly obvious facts such as place of birth and criminal records.

This failure has often led to dire consequence, with disappearance of household goods and in some cases, children.

Walk-in househelps are no longer an option - any hires must be thoroughly checked out. When it comes to house helps, one must quickly establish and stick to boundaries.

There is some strange gene in women that makes them feel this ‘need to share’ their woes and tribulations with other women. That is why you find women sharing intimate details of their lives with their hairdressers, their co-workers and their househelps. Some women bring this attitude home where they turn their domestic help into confidantes and shrinks.

This is dangerous because househelps then spread these tales in the neighbourhood or use it as ammunition to carry favour with in-laws or the man of the house. Women must remember at all times that, your househelp is not your shrink, is not your friend. If you need to talk to someone call yourfriend, or visit a shrink. Finally, women (especially working mums) need to realise that househelps are critical to their success at work.

Therefore, they must be willing to make certain compromises and drop certain standards if they want to continue holding down their jobs.

For instance, a woman with a young child must give up the urge to moan about dishes left undone as long as her baby is well taken care of and is clean and healthy. It is ridiculous to pay your housegirl below minimum wage and then expect her to not constantly reward herself with some of your prized jewellery or perfumes. It is important to understand that househelps will always help themselves to some of yourpossessions.

So instead of worrying about how much they have taken, it is better to make them understand the things you will not tolerate them taking.  Househelps can either bring joy or untold suffering to their employers.

All one has to do is decide how much of the above one can stand vis-à-vis the needs of her household.

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