How to be single: Have Life Goals first, then relationship goals

Many times I find myself in a critical circumstance with my friends. Being surrounded with campus girls who like dating, partying and having fun in general, it’s more than complicated. They either expect you to be dating or partying. Sometimes they pose uncomfortable questions to you because they want to know who your crush is or if at all you are dating.

Being this city girl, bold and sassy I’m expected to be dating .Yes, you will also agree with me that the society and culture norms push institutions of marriage way too much down our throats. There is nothing wrong with being single and childless. Has it ever crossed your mind why we have lots of single ladies these days in our society? Well, single is not a status. It’s a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others. At times people tend to judge when you are single but before anyone judges, let’s look at how things are.

People these days think it is better to be in abusive marriage than be in a happy relationship. They even go ahead to stay in that bad marriage and think it is more important how other people look at them instead of thinking about how bad it is for their children witnessing this. However it is so incredibly unfortunate how children pay the most in the end.

I interacted with one of the single ladies in Nairobi and she had this to say about being single, ”It’s not that I hate relationships and marriage. In fact, I would like a relationship, but I’m not just jumping into one for the sake of having one. I’m looking for someone that really connects with me and who I can have a happy relationship with. But so many people don’t see that as the entire point of a relationship. I was once in a relationship which later broke my heart to an extend I lost taste of having one again. It was not easy to recollect myself and just move on to another relationship that fast.

"Maybe for some people it can work but not for everyone. Let’s just say it doesn’t work for me completely. At times people don’t get it, they forget that the wound is too deep and it needs a proper treatment and care for it to heal. This is something serious remember, it’s not just the heart but also the mind breaks too.”

“I decided to take enough time to gather all broken pieces, put them together and be whole again. Most people, after their first heart break need to attend classes or use tutorial so as to understand how to trust and love again. Romantic love is a dangerous illusion and am not sane enough to be in a relationship, at least not now. Sometimes relationships spoil love. It may be better to feel alone and be denied sex outside a relationship than inside one. Men should be held at high standards. Women are the goal keepers when it comes to giving birth. In this century, several single mothers like me are up and down trying to make their end meet. It’s the era where no one cares how you live your life. “

I’m not surprised why many ladies decide to remain single. Marriage is like a shoe. When you wear an oversized shoe, be ready to drag it along throughout your life and when you wear an undersized one, be ready to feel the pain throughout life. Always look for the right shoe size for yourself. Those that rush into it will rush out of it at a quick speed .We live in a generation where there are more relationship goals than life goals. Life goals come first, remember that.