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Man, it's no longer cool to grow that bush

By Njoki Kaigai | Updated Sun, March 19th 2017 at 00:00 GMT +3

If his recent pictures are anything to go by, it is clear Barack Obama is enjoying his retirement. He is no longer shackled by global issues and is more concerned about his golf handicap and his thrill chases. Last week, I came across a picture of Barack enjoying one of those exotic ocean activities.

What struck me first was neither his physique nor his gleeful excitement. What instantly caught my eyes were his armpits. Unsightly does not begin to describe it - it seemed like a few furry creatures had gotten stuck in Barack’s armpits. Since we know which side of Kenya, one half of Barack comes from, we can naturally assume he is fastidious about his appearance.

Ghastly armpits

Therefore, I could not understand why he allowed himself to step out in public with those ghastly armpits - also where was Michelle when all this was happening?

This had me thinking about the whole issue of male grooming. In all fairness, men have made huge strides in terms of grooming with many options to shed the Neanderthal caveman look. However, they are some who like to hang on to some primitive elements not knowing how their actions hurt women.

There are men who think that armpit hair is cool – but I can tell you here and now it is not for most women. The reason is simple - women like to lie on and nestle on men’s chest. A natural consequence of this action is that their faces end up on the man’s armpit crevice.

As we know most African hair is not the finest in texture and we also know that the weather in the tropics often leads many of us to produce copious amounts of sweat. Combine all of this and you can only imagine what resting on such armpits can do to afterglow. In fact, some armpits are so bushy and smelly that they can send one to the Emergency Room with bouts of nausea and vomit.

Things can get more hairy when you encounter men who also like to leave their Garden of Eden untamed and overgrown. This is the height of human rights abuse because an untamed Garden of Eden can cause irreparable damage to delicate female parts and result to permanent frigidity.

Some men might argue that they shy away from tending to their hairy spots because the process of hair removal is often fraught with pain and humiliation. While this is indeed true, I fail to understand why many men cannot take care of the basics - that is, their nails. When you look at some men’s nails, you can be forgiven for imagining that we are still in the prehistoric times when men used their nails to excavate roots and tubers to feed their families.

Archaic habit

To make matters worse, some men still hold on to the archaic habit of letting the nails on their pinky (smallest) finger grow long. This habit of leaving nails untended always ends up hurting innocent, well-intentioned women. It is quite painful and agonising to be caressed or touched by a man with bad nails. Such a man can reduce supple skin to shreds and one can only imagine what happens when such nails encounter nipples and earlobes. The situation gets worse when it comes to toe nails, which can damage clothes and bed linen.

Last but not least, men should embrace using some lotion on their skins and faces. Having ashy and rough skin is simply not on. It really is unfair how women spend lots of time and money to have smooth satiny skin only for them to have all their efforts undone by ashy rough skin.

It does not take away any ounce of manhood for a man to splash on a bit of lotion on his body especially in this day and age when we have lotions made for men. It is no longer cool to shy away from male grooming, a bit of prune and trim does wonders for a man’s ability to attract and bed the ladies - and isn’t that what manhood is about at the end of the day?

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