How to encourage good behaviour

Learning to share and avoid anti-social behaviour is an important aspect of every child’s development, but like everything else, it can take time before he or she is ready and able to do so, though you can do a lot to help.

Although they share similar traits, all children are different. Some are more stubborn than others, some are more aggressive, while others are more likely to whine or more prone to tantrums. If you’re first able to recognise and accept your own child’s strengths and weaknesses, you won’t have unrealistic expectations as you start guiding them towards good behaviour.

When she starts to misbehave

From 12 months on, she begins to learn to understand the word “NO” and to challenge your authority. Before this, her ‘naughty’ actions, such as throwing food around, were simply the reflex actions of a baby.
Between the ages of two and three, she is capable of biting, snatching toys away from other children and generally making herself extremely objectionable if she doesn’t get her own way. Your reaction is important at this stage. If you allow her get away with too much, her behaviour will get worse. However, if you shout and scream, the atmosphere will become even more highly charged and it will be harder for you both to calm down.

Why she needs discipline

Discipline is about drawing up ground rules and letting your child know how far she can go. This will actually make a happier, more secure child. Consistency is important. If you let her spit one day, but turn a blind eye the next, she won’t know where she stands. Try to be selective about her deeds that are strictly off-limits. If you spend your entire day saying ‘NO’, this will soon become a monotonous drone to her ears, and she won’t take any notice. Always be ready to give her a cuddle when tempers are running high - she is in constant need of your love and may actually come to you for a hug in the middle of a stormy scene.

Minding her manners

Good manners go hand-in-hand with good behaviour, but don’t expect too much too soon! Gently tell your toddler: “No, don’t snatch, it’s not nice.” She’ll probably look at you in surprise and repeat the action at first, but be consistent and the message will sink in. Praise her when she does something right, and make sure your own manners are faultless to present her with a good role model!

Here are some problems you may encounter and how to handle them.

*Selfishness

Up to the age of three, children don’t understand the feelings of others, so if they see a toy that they want in another child’s hands, they’re likely to grab it.

What to do: Take the disputed toy away and give it to the victim, or hide it out of sight. She’ll soon get the message that bad behaviour means no toys.

*Frustration

Toddlers become furious when things don’t go according to plan. If she’s playing with something that’s beyond her she’ll get into a tempter and throw away the offending toy.

What to do: Don’t push her, console and encourage her for having ideas beyond her capabilities.

*Attention seeking

No amount of attention is enough for a child, this is why her behaviour deteriorates when you’re on the phone.

What to do: It’ll be easier if you keep your phone calls and chats as brief as possible when your child is in the room. If this is impossible, make sure she’s got something to occupy her for a little while.

*Bullying

Some toddlers are aggressive and often make playmates cry by pushing them over or biting.

What to do: Thwart a bully by watching for signs of an imminent attack on another child and diverting her with a toy or activity. Praise her when she shares a toy or plays well with another child, and wear her out as much as possible with plenty of outdoor play. Encourage her to cuddle another child gently, if this seems to be the trouble.