Why quicksand is slow; boxing rings are square; a guinea pig isn’t a pig

I once opined in this column that English is a poor language; the justification of the opine lying in the existence of homonyms (words having the same spelling or pronunciation but different meanings), homophones ( words having the same pronunciation but different meanings) and heteronyms (words which are spelled identically but have different sounds and meanings). 

If you have ever despaired that English is a complex, sometimes strange language, here is a complaint Dr Albrecht Classen of the University of Arizona once highlighted: “Let’s face it, English is a crazy language.There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apples nor pine are in pineapple. English muffins aren’t English, nor are French Fries French. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads—which aren’t sweet—are meat.  We take English for granted, but if we explore some of its paradoxes, we find that quicksand is slow, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor a pig.