Being born male is a privilege in this culture

A few years ago I walked into my bank. The pressure to buy my first car was brisk and my savings inadequate. I needed a loan. The loan officer looked me in the eye and shot straight, “are you married?” Why, I wondered. Part of me thought that the officer was seducing me in the most bizarre of ways until he said that “my husband’s” credit status would have given me a competitive advantage. Huh? I cringed. How many men have ever been asked to produce their wives’ bank statements anywhere?   

Being born male is a privilege in this culture; a ticket to freedom and happiness. Oh yeah, you say? Yes. In 2016 male privilege isn’t necessarily sexism. Sometimes it passes as an unconscious bias among men who believe in gender equality but act in ways to perpetuate inequality. It is age old. It is medieval and shameful but subtly acceptable. It is manifested in different ways. Male privilege is the reason a man can walk outside at night and not worry that some mugger or rapist might ambush him around the corner. It is this privilege that accords him the power to shape the narrative on all things life; politics, religion, education, arts, sports… all designed in a manner to help the man prosper. He has made the game and the rules that benefit him over centuries.

The world as it functions today is literally an apotheosis of maleness. His comfort is placed first. An example is the recent scuffle by Congolese musician Koffi Olomide at JKIA. Why did the assaulted dancer negate the narrative despite the glaring video evidence? You could say she was threatened or blackmailed. But make no mistake, she said what she said, did what she did, because she’s a woman. And being a woman means putting the man’s needs above your own. Ask the many who hold on to abusive marriages or wayward children.

It is this privilege that accords this half of the population a voice, better jobs, better pay and promotions despite equal qualifications with their female counterparts. The same privilege makes it almost impossible to question the deliberate flooding of policy and political landscape with testosterone. Dare you try to disrupt this status quo! So the man soars, at the expense of the woman. His comfort trumps everyone else’s comfort whatever the religion, tribe, class or race.

This construct allows the man to make mistakes which he’ll never take responsibility for or apologize or compromise. Someone else will bear the low-end role of upholding morality and taking responsibility and apologizing and compromising. Why do you think feminism is resisted so fiercely? It’s because it questions this one-sided privilege. It hands the mirror and to the privileged party, who claims not to “get it”, and tells him, “Look at what you enjoy!” “Step out of your comfort zone and see me!” “I exist too! I’m human!” But male privilege seeks to resist this voice. It silences this voice with the pretext of personal responsibility. Yes personal responsibility is important, but the playing field must be leveled. This voice of privilege will say that poor men have a hard time too. Of course they do. But can you imagine how worse it is for poor women; with no cushion of maleness and resources?

Then there are the constant policing of a woman’s body. The opposite is unimaginable! Can you imagine a world where women tell men what to eat or what to wear or when to not copulate and the like? Don’t. It doesn’t exist. But men have been policing women’s bodies for centuries. Male privilege dictates that if a woman doesn’t want to be raped, then she must dress “suitably” or avoid being in certain places during certain times. If she doesn’t want to be assaulted, she must behave “appropriately”, whatever that is! Rue unto any woman who defies this, as the consequences are dire. Male privilege seeks to control the victim and excuse the villain’s behavior. Over the years, Kenya has done a lot to improve policy, but changing mindsets is important, just as important as upgrading policy and committing to full implementation.

And like with all forms of prerogatives, it is so miserable and so punishing to question this one. It’s business as usual to host an all-male TV panel. When a bank official asks a woman about her marital status before giving her a loan, it’s just another day in the office. When a male politician is tough, he’s being a man. When a corrupt council of governors and executive is all male, it’s ok, after all, what have women legislators done with no funding at all? When a male politician steals billions of tax payers’ money, he’s being a politician. When a man physically assaults a woman, it’s not news. Try the opposite. When a man is a philanderer, well… boys will be boys.

This is not about who is good or who is bad. Good or evil has no gender. But male privilege has laid the foundation for segregation of women. It perpetually silences women’s voices and renders women invisible, if not downright inhuman. It allows women to be lambasted more and rewarded less for their contribution, often in that order. Surely, we can do better.

 

 

Twitter: @catherine_amayi